It seems that my wife and I go through this struggle every year. We live in the northeast, in an area where housing is high and salaries are not quite so high ... we have had offers to move to other states where our income would be literally 3, 4 and 5 times what we make here. I struggle with this in particular because it is hard to balance family issues. My family has been in this immediate area for almost 30 years, in the general area for generations. My wife's family has been where they are for close to 20 years - but it's nine hours away.
I have been considering going back to school, and the place I think I should go is 50 miles from where we are now - something I could do on a part-time basis. I'm not a big fan of distance learning (though I understand others don't share my view). There's something about sitting in a classroom, being able to interact with the teacher and other students easily - and face-to-face. I still take notes with paper and a pen - though I try to type them into my computer as part of my review process.
I have always struggled with change, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is a control issue. Perhaps it's because I seem to be an introvert, and it takes a lot of effort to meet new people. Sometimes, I wish God would spell out his will on a billboard for me, but I'm not sure that's the answer, either. People saw Jesus do miraculous things, yet not all believed. There is more to believing than just seeing ...
I have read a number of books on "finding God's will." One is intriguingly titled "Finding God's Will: A pagan notion?" Are we seeking a mystical answer to something God has provided other means to discover? Does it make any sense to seek the "secret will" of God to find out where I should be? Is God playing a cat and mouse game with me and the "right" path I should take? Other books have an n-step plan to finding God's will - while others urge you to look at open doors. Still others tell you to pray until you're sure you know God's will, while others tell you to "just move somewhere" because a vehicle in motion is easier to turn than a static one ... It seems to me that there is much confusion and little clarity offered in finding God's will. And it seems to cause much anxiety ... have I missed God's best? have I blown it?
Few of these options seem like they take into account our relationship with God - that we are his beloved, adopted children, whom he is shaping into "little Christ's." I believe in God's absolute sovereignty (how it exactly works can be tricky for sure), and I believe that "all things work together for those who love God." Therefore, whatever is in my life right now is there by His sovereign will, that the circumstances of my life are arranged to get me from where I am to where he wants me to be. Nothing comes into my life that does not first pass through His loving, nail-pierced hands. That includes the stuff I'd rather not go through. Jesus calls his people to suffer, and to do so willingly. He calls us to die - to die to ourselves, surely, but also to let go of our physical life if he calls us to. I'd rather not go through pain and loss and suffering - but if he is with me, there's no other place to be.
So, I know that God is sovereign. I know that he will never leave me, nor forsake me for His name's sake - not because I'm such a good follower. I'm not. I stumble and stray constantly. I know that because of Christ, he has removed my sin from me as far as the East is from the West, that there is no condemnation for me in Christ. I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He knows my frailties, my confusion, my wandering heart, and my blindness. But he sticks with me.
So, as I look at the circumstances of life, I wonder. I see opportunities here that I may not have elsewhere. I see good that is being done where I minister (although my judgment may not be true). I have no real desire to move, and no real picture of what I would do elsewhere. My wife is not sure either. There are benefits and drawbacks to all the situations we have considered. Our kids will adjust to most options well, though being away from all family would be tough for them. I see many doors potentially open, nothing that "gives me peace," nothing that comes clearly in prayer. Maybe it's me. But I know that God is guiding my life - and the life of my family - for all our good. He is trustworthy. I don't need to see anything but the next step.
Lord, I trust your sovereignty. Help my unbelief! Show me what I need to do today - and let tomorrow take care of itself.
To move or not to move - that's not the question ...
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