Is Happiness the Goal?

Sometimes we think the goal of life is happiness. After all, who doesn’t want to be happy? But this world is broken because of sin and we know that things happen that make us unhappy – the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, moody teenagers, a seemingly destructive national decision that we often feel powerless to affect, or even something as small as stubbing our toe as we walk outside on a beautiful spring day. We seem to naturally think that life should go well for us, and we get confused when it doesn’t. Sometimes, we blame God – we think that since we try to serve him that he should make everything in our lives work out well. We hold up our righteousness to him – the good things we have done – and say essentially, “Am I not owed a good life because of all this?” It does not help that our culture and sometimes even our churches feed into these notions. I’ve heard non-Christians use the principle of “karma” to try to explain such things, but is that the answer – a non-personal universe that keeps score and levels the playing field with no mercy? Yet Christians often unknowingly make the same connections – you did this and now that is happening to you. The Bible presents a very different picture about our God and the world he has created.

You life is not just about your life. Your life is a scene in the Grand Play – God’s Story. Your life has meaning and purpose that is far beyond the bounds of the dash between your birth and death on a tombstone. What happens to us and how we react – what we run to – is of eternal importance. God wants to do more than just enter your story and make everything work out the way you think it should. God is not an errand boy who makes our agenda come to pass, but is instead the Grand Playwright, the Great Director, and the Master Storyteller. He has a destiny for you that is far bigger and better than your own dreams and desires. We are also a part of the story that involves the others around us – the play is not our own monologue, but a vast array of characters far beyond our view. God is the Great Redeemer, and we are the recipients of the Great Redemption. His redemptive work has an end goal far better than our mere happiness in seeing our dreams come to pass. His redemptive goal is that we each one day will be like Jesus – that when we stand before Him face to face, we will be like Him. At that time, all of our tears will be wiped away, all of our striving will cease, death and sickness will be no more – and that will be true happiness in the fullest sense of the word! That destiny is guaranteed for all believers because of what Christ has accomplished, and not because of our own performance. So, in the fullest way, happiness will one day be the glorious by-product of being like Jesus, and you will be happier than you can now imagine.

But right now, we are in the midst of our scene. The play is not over. The end of the story has been written and the outcome is secure – but it is not here yet. In the midst of this play, there is much conflict, war, and bloodshed. The enemy is raging, wanting to destroy as much as possible before his time comes. There are still casualties. Death, decay, and discord are a part of this life because we rebelled against a Loving and Holy God. But this same God who rightfully could pour down his wrath upon us all and sweep us away in a moment, chooses to enter our lives, redeem us and fight for us! He will never leave us nor forsake us for His Own Name’s sake! When the play is over, we will marvel at the depth of His love, His mercy, His patience, His justice, and His wrath. He will be known more fully because of the story, and we will praise Him all the more!

What does this mean for us in the midst of life, and specifically our marriages? It means that God has a plan far more complete and complex than you can imagine. The experiences and situations of your life are not random events, and they are not merely the events of an out-of-control world. This is Holy Ground and must not be taken lightly, for this means even our sufferings are for our ultimate good and for His praise! God does what is necessary to show us what our hearts value more than Him, to show us what we cling to besides Him in moments of trouble. We certainly do not want to think we can explain why someone went through some horrible form of suffering, but in the midst of our confusion, we can cling to the fact that nothing enters our life that catches God by surprise. Nothing enters our life that is not first filtered through his nail-pierced hands. The play is his, and we are actors in a scene. It will, one day, make sense. We must trust Him – trust His Heart that willingly died for you!

So, is God’s goal in our lives happiness? Not the way most people mean it. Most people want God to make their dreams, their vision of their life come true. But our story will climax in His story, and at that point we will have happiness beyond compare. Here, in the midst of the story, we are called to suffer – to suffer like Jesus, to identify him, and to pick up our cross. God has given you the spouse you have for a reason, and that reason is to make you more like Christ. The difficulties, arguments, and seeming incompatibility are there because you have (at least) 2 sinners living under the same roof, each with their own version of the play. God wants you to relinquish the rewrite, and trust that his version is the one that leads to true eternal happiness. Be willing to step back in the heated moments and say “just what is my heart craving in this moment?” and “what does it look like to live in faith in this moment?” It will take time to break old patterns and ways of thinking – but you have the same power working within you that raised Christ from the dead!

In the end, we need to spend more time pondering God’s self-revelation. Job knew nothing about the divine drama going on that caused him to lose everything earthly. He suffered greatly, yet never knew why. Jesus was the one person who ever lived who truly did, thought, and felt exactly what God wanted him to in every moment in life – yet it was God’s will to crush Him for our rebellion! If anyone ever deserved a “happy” life, was it not Jesus? Yet his life was full of suffering. The author of Hebrews tells us: “In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered.” Jesus “was made perfect” or complete through suffering - and we are made like Him when we suffer. We are called to “Love God” and “Love Neighbor” and even to “love our enemies.” And sometimes, in those heated moments (and maybe more often than that) our spouse can act like our enemy. We are called to choose the way of suffering and love them anyway …

A few verses on suffering: Romans 5:3, Romans 8:17, Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 1:5, Philippians 1:29-30, Philippians 3:10, Colossians 1:24, 1 Thessalonians 5:9, 2 Thessalonians 1:5, 2 Timothy 1:8, Hebrews 2:9-10,18, Hebrews 5:8, Hebrews 13:12

Taking Greek ...

I have just finished the second of three semesters of Greek I need to take for this degree I am pursuing. After I finish Greek, it's on to Hebrew. It is a lot more difficult than I expected - the pace is extremely fast, and the amount of memorization can seem overwhelming at times. Yet, I am now able to begin to piece together the NT text in the Greek ... and it is quite rewarding! No longer must I depend solely on someone else's translation work, though I am certainly not as skilled as they are in the art of translation. I can now use some of the tools I have (like the Expositor's Commentary) to a fuller degree. At the same time, I realize that although it is really cool to be able to read Greek, most of the people I minister to will get little out of the Greek I might use in a class... the analogy I heard that sticks with me is that learning Greek and Hebrew is akin to the pots and pans a chef uses to prepare a meal: they are absolutely critical to a well-cooked meal, but they are rarely seen by the guests. It's a lot of work to put into something that may not be appreciated by others often, but I pray that it makes me a more effective communicator ...

A return?

Well, it's been a while ... lots has been going on.
My grandmother passed away last year at 94, and her sister passed away later in the year as we were planning on attending her 100th birthday party ...

I would like to resume blogging - I think I have noticed a difference not putting some thoughts down on a regular basis. I've been challenged by two friends to spend some time making a priority list and planning out my time more intentionally, which is something I'd like to do ...

to be continued ...

Tiger and me ...

It appears Tiger Woods is human after all. Oh, there was never really any doubt, but as we do far too often in our culture, we place athletes and celebreties on pedastals where they should not be and then revel in their fall. I don't know much about Tiger, and I'm not much of a golf fan, but I do feel for him. Don't get me wrong, what he apparently did was wrong and I have far more empathy for his wife than for him. And yet ... I understand. Our desires are insatiable. Here is a man married to someone who was a model, if not a supermodel. Our culture tells us that he should be the happiest man on earth. He has money, fame, a beautiful wife, the envy of much of the world, and he gets to play a game for a living. And yet, it was not (apparently) enough.

These things never are enough to satisfy our hearts, our longings - and our desires can outgrow the ability for anything to satisfy them. We see this play out in the news (and the tabloids) time and time again. The human condition is one of searching, of longing, of wanting, of needing ... yet being unfulfilled. We have brought it on ourselves, yet we refuse to hear the solution. We suppress what is readily apparent about the universe because we like our sin. We don't want to be accountable to anyone or anything outside ourselves. We certainly don't want to hear that our lives will be evaluated for what they were in the end ...

I'm not sure women appreciate the all-consuming nature of lust. There are probably some women who do, but as a whole, the reactions I have seen from women lead me to say that they don't get it. Why, for instance, would Tiger stray from a supermodel wife? Isn't that enough? Could he possibly want more than that? Yes. It is, in a very real way, like an analogy to food I heard. You could put the best piece of apple pie ever made beforre a hungry man and let him eat it. He could take his time, savoring each bite with the most appropriate beverage ever devised. Maybe he takes an hour to eat that pie. When he's all done, he sits back and reflects on the best piece of apple pie ever made. Could he possibly want more after that? If someone came along with a store bought cherry pie, could he possibly want that? Yes, we all know full well that one (male or female) could have a desire to eat that cherry pie even after finishing off the best piece of apple pie ever made. Why? Because our desires, ultimately, are insatiable.

There must be something else that captures our hearts more than our desires - or we will destroy our lives. Whether through an affair or over-indulgin in pie, we all die a slow death this way. Tiger, what you (apparently) did was hurtful, dumb, and sin. You and I both need a Savior. Without Him, we shall be consumed ...

See Life Differently: Dealing With Lust

I found an old post on a blog that I am unfamiliar with (and so do not endorse anything on it) that I found particularly insightful on lust.

See Life Differently: Dealing With Lust

The key section (in case the link gets broken) for me is:

"Wouldn't it be better if a woman in a bikini didn't even register on my radar because I am so in love with my own wife? Wouldn't it be best if I could actually overcome my lust altogether, rather than merely trying to control the sinful behavior that results from it?

How come no one's talking about how to change the heart? Hmmm?"

Some thoughts:

There actually are some people who are looking at heart change, rather than merely external boundaries. The people at CCEF have been dealing with this for years, and they don't get enough traffic, as far as I'm concerned. They have some fine resources on dealing with "how people change" that deals primarily with heart change.

If I might summarize to the best of my ability: we need to realize that we do, in each and every moment, exactly what we want to do. We always follow our greatest desire. The question is, how do we desire something else?

First, we must realize that what we want often kills us slowly. We ingest poison - poison that gives us a rush - and then wonder why we are deteriorating. We choose to swallow the lie, that thing offered to us that promises life, and find only once it gets into our stomach that it is bitter.

Second, we must realize that we undervalue Christ. We think the gospel is only for the moment of salvation and we're on our own to "make it the rest of the way" through life. We do not see that the Gospel is for ever day living. We do not see the all-surpassing glory of Christ that would far outshine these momentary pleasures if we would just look! Instead, we suppress our knowledge of Christ in order that we might pursue this created thing - or perhaps we have never had an accurate picture of the Glory of the Risen Christ!

Third, we fail to realize that we cannot change ourselves - or others. The one thing everyone needs - and the one thing no one can do for themselves or others - is a change in the heart. We can't reach into someone else and flip a switch, as it were, so that they crave the right thing. The best we can do is show truth to them, to hold up Christ in all His glory, and pray that he will draw this person to himself.

Fourth, we must see that life is a series of realizations that we have turned from Christ and to something else - that we have sought life in another. We then turn from the thing that has captured our affection and look to Christ. We need to deny ourselves this momentary pleasure for something far more satisfying. To paraphrase John Piper's words: we must stop dwelling on "our mud pies in the slums" and see the value in the "holiday at the sea" that is offered. We are far too easily satisfied.

Fifth, and perhaps this is out of order, we must realize that if we are united with Christ, our Sovereign Lord has arranged the details of your life so that you will continue to walk down the path of Christ-likeness. We are guaranteed to reach our destination, as the deposit of the Holy Spirit attests. We will one day be like Him - when we see Him face to face. Your life is bigger than your life, and the "Grand Play" going on around you will display the Lord in all His Glory. Your life is a part of that reality. There is nothing that happens to you by chance, by happenstance, by randomness (as if that were a force anyway) - every detail is arranged according to plan. The sovereign Lord speaks into all of life - and He cares far too much about His children to let them settle for mud pies. He will do whatever is necessary to free them from the power of sin - for if He has given us Christ, what good will He withhold?

No, for whatever reason, God does not see fit to perfect us in this life. But as we walk with Him, we will be more like Him. And I have a suspicion that when all is revealed, our joy and His Glory will be ever-intensified because of the path He has taken us through.

So, as we struggle with lust, remember:
1. We are falling for the trap and lie of the enemy that life is found in a sexual experience rather than fellowship with God
2. Lust is destructive and will destroy us
3. We do what we do because we want to
4. We need heart change, but are dependent on God for that
5. Christ's Glory far surpasses the mud pies we play with - so behold Christ!
6. Because we are united in Christ, one day this struggle will be over - but that day is not today

“What do I want?”

This is a great question to ask yourself, and to ask of others. It’s simple and straightforward, and yet the desires, thoughts and motives of our very core can be displayed by honest answers to this question. It fits just about any moment of any situation. What is it that is driving me to say, do, feel and think the things I do right now?

This question is in essence a summary of some of the work of Jonathan Edwards as he considered God’s Word. He spoke at length to the desires we all have in his work “The Freedom of the Will.” Edwards’ thesis in this work is that “we are free to choose that which we most desire.” Why do you do what you do in each and every moment of your life? Because you want to – you desire to. Even when we have competing desires, we will always pursue that which is greatest. This is why the things we do reveal our hearts – even though no one can see our inner motives.

“Wait,” you say, “I know there are times I would rather be fishing than at work, or times I do the dishes for the thousandth time when my back hurts.” How can you say that I always follow my greatest desire when so often I feel like I must do something out of a sense of duty, if nothing else? It is true that sometimes we do have a desire to do something other than what we are doing that seems greater. But it is not just these two desires competing, but a third (at least) enters the picture. You know that to abandon work (not speaking of vacations) is to put you job in jeopardy, and your job is how you provide for your family, support the work of your church and other causes you value, and that on occasion, it really does provide you with a sense of purpose. Thus your desire to protect your family, help others, and have a sense of accomplishment with the talents you have been given overrides the momentary desire to be fishing. Thus, even though you’d rather be fishing – you really would rather be faithful to the other causes more important to you than your own enjoyment. So even when we think we are sacrificing a greater desire, we are really doing it in service to a greater desire yet.

“Following our greatest motivation” thus highlights why sin is so offensive. When we sin, we do it because we want to do it – in spite of God’s desire for us. We believe the lie that life is found in this other thing we want rather than in God’s plan for us. This is why sin is so insidious – it promises to us exactly what we want, but hides the price we will pay. Even as Christians – people committed to Christ and His Glory – we often trade the life he offers for a momentary pleasure or power or comfort.

Next, this shines light on the reality that we are not all tempted by exactly the same things. Yes, we are tempted by the similar categories of sin – i.e. pride, lust, greed, self-centeredness, etc. – but the actual things that “hook” our hearts may be different. The things that set off pride for a businessman may be different than for a pastor or a stay-at-home mother – yet they all struggle with pride. The things we want may be as different as our hobbies, careers, or tastes in food – but it is the desire that is in our heart that tempts us (James 1:13-15). Thus, what tempts me may be perfectly innocent for my brother, and we must be careful not to assign our struggles to someone else.

The final thing this points to is the fact that external remedies (isolation, boundaries, fleeing etc.) may be of some value in the moment, but ultimately the thing we need the most is heart change (and it’s the one thing none of us can do for another or even ourselves). We need to desire different things. I am not kept pure merely by the avoidance of situations that may tempt me – although it is Biblical and wise to flee moments of temptation rather than to fall into sin – but by the change of my desires from the things of this world (yes, even good things out of proportion) to the things that please God’s heart. Monasteries were a fine idea – until humans were let in. In spite of their extremely rigorous rules and ascetic conditions, monasteries still found the same sins present as in the rest of the world. The human heart will find ways to go on its own, to chase its own desires. We don’t need a better environment, ultimately – we need a Savior. Christ is yet our example: when the “pressures” of all He went through in his crucifixion and separation from the Father, look at what came out of his heart. When the sponge is squeezed, the liquid that comes out was what was already in there. What comes out of your heart when the pressures of the moment squeeze you?

When Christ is lifted up in all His Glory, he not only draws men to himself for salvation, but captures more and more the hearts of his children. I am convinced that what I need more often than not is a true, vibrant mental picture or understanding of the glorious appeal of Christ for who He is so that the trinkets of earth that so easily amuse me fade into dust in comparison with Him. I need not just to shun sin, but to desire Christ more!

If the gospel has any power – and it does – then it is the answer for us not only when we first come to Christ, but for living life every day thereafter. “What do you want?” – a simple, but powerful spotlight on your heart.

Review of "Lost in the Middle"

Lost in the Middle
Midlife and the Grace of God
by Paul Tripp

Life interrupted my reading of this book. I read the first three quarters of it a few months ago and put the book down in favor of other pressing responsibilities. Now that they are completed, I have had time to pick up this book again, and it was refreshing. Reluctantly, I will admit that I am now in "mid-life" - although I surmise that Paul includes just about anyone whose life has shaped up to be different than they planned, but not yet contemplating "retirement." In short, just about everyone.

I have less hair than I used to, and my beard is peppered now. I have been going to the gym to try to regain at least a rough outline of my wrestling physique. My life is certainly not the way I would have arranged it or predicted it, and this book helped me to continue to deal with the fact that the plan my loving heavenly Father has for me is better - even though I don't understand it.

I love Paul's style and his use of real life as examples. I may not be able yet to identify with all the particulars of his examples - but I can see they are just around the bend ... however, the underlying categories of struggles are more than familiar to me ...

My Story is not primarily about me, and it is not limited to my myopic view of the world. Paul points at that we must recognize that there is a larger story in history, a story that includes millions and billions of people - individuals known by name to the Lord and yet gathered as a people for His Glory. Unless I see the bigger story, and see the hand of the Lord moving in my life to make me more into the image of his son for his glory, I will not be able to make sense out of life. If I live for money, pleasure, prestige, or anything other than God, midlife has a way of exposing empty dreams and unfulfilled promises. Just as Adam and Eve fell for the serpent's lie and found much bitterness in following him, we too fall for his tricks as we live for things that will ultimately not satisfy.

God is present in the midst of our lives, and he is present in our sufferings, mistakes, and sins. He is there because He is committed to us for His name's sake more than we are committed to our folly. Thus, we must know the end of the story - where He is taking us - before we can make sense out of where we are ...

I am planning to give this book to a number of people in my life, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is between graduation and the grave ...

Summer Reading Plan

Here's my summer reading plan:

Galatians (8 times)
Romans
Psalms 1-12
Psalms 138-150
Exodus 20-33

The Expositor's Greek NT Commentary: Galatians
Galatians (MacArthur)
Galatians (Ramsay)
Galatians (Calvin)
Galatians (Ryken)
Galatians (Bible Knowledge Commentary)
Galatians (Wiersbe)
Galatians (Matthew Henry)

Sections on Justification in Chafer, Hodge, Grudem, Tennet
Sections on Sanctification in Chafer, Hodge, Grudem, Tennet
Sections on Just./Sanct. by Edwards, Van Til, Warfield

The Justification of God (Piper)
NT Wright and Piper
Sproul on Faith alone
Just./Sanct. in Paul:An Outline of His Theology (Ridderbos)

Whiter than Snow (Tripp)
The Reason for God (Keller)
Lost in the Middle (Tripp)
A tale of two sons (MacArthur)
The Prodigal God (Keller)
A Quest for More (Tripp)
Step by Step (Petty)
War of Words (Tripp)
Future Grace (Piper)
When People are Big and God is small (Welch)
Let the Nations Be Glad (Piper)
The Dispensational/Covenental Rift (Mangum)
Speaking Truth in Love (Powlison)
The Death of Death in the Death of Christ (Owen)
Seeing with New Eyes (Powlison)
Depression: A stubborn darkness (Welch)

Maybe overly ambitious ... we'll see

The Path ...

You have hurt me
You have wronged me
What you have done deserves death
You deserve to die a painful death
You deserve hell

The path I travel is a painful one
A path of remembering
A path of looking behind more often than ahead
A path of pain
A path of sorrow
A path of brokenness
A path of unfulfilled potential
A path of tarnished dreams
A path that should never have been

I will be your everlasting judge
Whenever you come near me, you will face my wrath
I will cover my contempt with smiles and hugs
But you will know my loathing for you

At times, I will actively hate you
I will work for your undoing
I will seek your demise
I will pluck the flesh off your bones
Every day will be life-sucking

Other times I will ignore you
I will not think of you
You will not enter my thoughts
It will be as if you never existed
You will not have the joy of my companionship
You will not be comforted
You are exiled

Someday, you will get yours
When that day comes, I will cackle
Over your broken body
I will rejoice in your demise
I will send gifts to those I love
Rejoicing that your name will soon be forgotten
But not by me
For your name will be a curse
A word I will use to show contempt
A word that I will use callously and trivially
I will dream of your screams
I will know the sound of your bones being crushed
Justice
For all you have done

This is a path of stinking dung
Dung so deep my legs sink in to my knees
Muck so thick that I struggle to take the next step
Each time I labor to lift my foot
There is a sucking sound
As if the muck tries to pull me in
If I stand still
All is lost
I will drown
And I will be added to the muck and mire
Seeking to bring others down to me

My sin
My sin is against the One who is love
My sin is against the Creator and sustainer of all things
My sin is high treason against a good and perfect King
My sin is worse than despicable
My sin stinks up the whole universe
My sin wraps around my neck like the vines of a rose bush
Promising flowers but delivering piercing thorns dripping with blood
It pulls me down to the grave like so many science fiction monsters
But this is real
It pulls me down into the depths of the grave
Into hell itself
My very name
Is a curse to me

I have chosen my own way … rather than the way of one who loves me perfectly
I have chosen to try to rule my own life … rather than to trust Him
I have chosen to set up my own Kingdom … rather than build His
I have chosen to pursue my own comforts … rather than serve Him
I have chosen my foolishness … rather than His wisdom
I have chosen darkness ... rather than light
I have chosen death … over life

Death
Darkness
Silent screams full of terror
Disorientation
Not knowing which way is up
Unable to breathe
Flames lapping at my feet
But never quenched
Justice
For all I have done
Despair

Hope
A light piercing the darkness
The last word not yet spoken
Destinies can be changed
If only
If only there was a King
A King greater than our sin
A King more loving than our hatred
A King committed to Himself
And all that is right and good and true
More than we are committed to our folly
A King with grace and mercy as his companions
A King whose word is his bond
And whose heart is true

Where is this King
We look for this King
Could he be the One
Whom we have disregarded
Whom we have spat upon
Whom we have flogged
Whom we have forsaken
Whom we have cursed
Who has forgiven us freely
For no other reason than He wanted to

We who have brought shame to His Name
We who have insisted on making our own path
We who have judged others
We who call on mute idols to save us
Like riches, power, position, pleasure, or independence
We who fought to be the Captain of our souls
And then shipwrecked upon those jagged rocks of sin
Always seen, rarely feared
We who scourged him
We who drove the nails in
We who crowned him with thorns
We who pierced his side
And mocked his nakedness
And watched him die
No justice
For what had he done to deserve this
For the joy
For the joy set before him
For the joy of bringing many sons and daughters into the Kingdom
For the joy of forgiveness
For the joy of restoration

Forgiveness is not free
Someone paid my debt
Someone took my punishment
Someone took my death
That I fully deserved
That I fully earned
That someone is him
While I was still his enemy
While I was still a rebel
While I was still a thieving murderer loose in his kingdom
He died
He died for me
He died in my place – not just that I might live
Not just that I might be a good slave
Not just that I might have a second chance
He died to make me His
He died to make me His child
He gave me full rights as a child of God
Where I go, I do not deserve
Where he leads, I go – and rejoice

His people resemble him
His children rise and call him blessed
His people call him Faithful and True
Compassionate and Loving
Just and Merciful
Righteousness clothed in unrighteousness
Beauty clothed in ugliness
Majesty crowned in criminality
Paradox
Wonder of wonders!
Life clothed in death

Justice upheld
Mercy triumphant
Love fulfilled
Grace granted
Only believe

The path of a citizen
The path of one forgiven so much
The path of an adopted one
People of the Kingdom forgive
Ambassadors of the King forgive
Children of the King forgive
The path of a beloved
The path of a son
His path

Forgiveness

Not because they must, but because they want to
They want to resemble their King, their Savior, their Father …
We are most like God when we forgive those who have wronged us
Those who have hurt us
Those who have done things that deserve punishment and condemnation

Forgiveness is the loosing of the hand on the noose
The dropping of the whip to scourge
The burning of the ledger of debts

Forgiveness is setting down the hammer and spikes
Time and time again
As you find them in your hands

Forgiveness is remembering the price paid for my great debt
and the smallness of the debt before me
and doing holy math

completing the divine equation
letting flow from my heart what has flowed into it
receiving grace as I kneel before the King
and freely offering it to my worst enemy

Forgiveness frees us from hanging on to the one who hurt us
Bitterness binds us to them every step they take
Forgiveness allows us to see the world again
Bitterness draws the one who hurt us nose to nose that we might extract vengeance … and see nothing else

I’m remembering the hurt … again
The pain … the tears …
I need to remember
Remember the great debt you forgave me
That I might not see this debt through a microscope
Making small things large
And yet, this pain is so overwhelming
It is impossible to forgive
Father, you excel in the impossible
You make your great name and power known
Through change
Change in people like me
To do impossible things

Father forgive us our sins
As we forgive those who sin against us
Father cleanse me
As I release others from my grasp

This path is hard
This path is painful
This path is self-denying
This path
Leads
To
Life

This path
Leads from a cross
To the throne
Of our Father
We must walk it
More than once
And lead others
Through it

This path
Is good

World Series Trophy ...

Yesterday, I was able to go to a local restaurant and see the Philliesw 2008 World Series Trophy on display. You could get your picture taken with the trophy, and so I got my number - #208. I wish my children or my dad or brother or someone could have gone with me - these things are always better when shared ...

Although I did not touch it - I wanted to, but refrained - I was inches away from the trophy as someone snapped my picture for me. Why is it that things like this draw so much attention? Why do they attract middle-aged men and young boys, little old ladies and young girls - people of all ages? One could be pessimistic and say that we have a out-of-proportional view of sports, and perhaps one would be right. But I think there is something else going on - at least for me. Why do people so identify with their teams that they think that eating a hot dog in 3 bites will affect the outcome of the game (I'm sure many have seen the commercial a few years back capitalizing on this phenomena)? Why do our hopes rise with the team's success - only to be crushed if they fall short (Hello, Eagles) or culminating in euphoria if they win (Hello, Phillies)?

I think it is that Quest to belong to something bigger than oneself, the quest to matter in the universe. Pascal said that we all have a God-shaped void in our heart and I think he is right - we will try to fill it with anything we can get our "hands" on. To have someone know our name, to have someone care - to live on past our life ... are these not the things so many people live for? There are few truly consistent atheists who have the integrity of Nitzche - "The only question with which modern man has to struggle with is whether or not to commit suicide." If there is no God, what does anything matter? Why do we seek after these things? If there is no God, being a Phillie or Yankee or Cub fan does not matter one second after you die ...

But I think even for those who believe in God, who know the true and living God, there is still a proper place for cheering for a sports team (or something else if you're not into sports). The greed and corruption at all levels taints everything, yet we still cheer. Is it not because we yearn for anything that echoes the majesty of God? Do we not have our breath taken away by the Grand Canyon or by a perfect game or by our team putting everything together and winning it all? Does it not give us an echo of the true majesty and coming victory of our King? Is it not a small glimpse into the real reality of life - those things that are currently unseen, but will be revealed in due time?

Yes, keep sports in their proper place - but don't forget to teach your children that the greatness of sport glory, the perfection on display with champions is only the palest of glimpses at what truly will satisfy your heart - the Lord of Glory coming in all His splendor. And, if you are his, one day you will see Him as He truly as - and be transformed to be like him yourself. What glory and mystery is this!

Tired of divisions ...

I'm so tired of all the infighting. Every area of doctrine that can be disputed has been disputed and it so often degenerates into "us" versus "them" - and "them" is always two-headed purple monsters who eat children. I guess I should be glad I wasn't born into another time or another part of the world where they kill those who disagree. Religion has been blamed by so many for causing many ills in this world. At a cursory glance, one might agree. But I really believe that true, Biblical Christianity is not a cause. There are always false followers, bad followers, and followers who sin and stumble. I can't say what went on in the hearts of the crusaders, in the hearts of those who persecuted the reformers, the anabaptists, and the like, but the evidence seems to say, at best, they missed the point.

Yet, I do believe in truth. I believe it matters what you believe. You can believe you are a rocket ship, but good luck making it to outer space. You can believe you can fly, but don't test that by jumping off a 50-story building. It matters whether we believe in God, whether we believe in sin, in redemption, in justification ... whether we believe the gospel. It matters whether we are trinitarian, unitarian, atheistic, monotheistic, or polytheistic. It matters whether you think you are saved by baptism, or whether it is symbolic of an inner reality.

So we do need to strive for the truth, to know the truth, to contend for the truth. Is there a way, though, to believe and contend for the truth without being contentious and divisive? Is there a way to avoid arguments over secondary matters while still holding convictions?

Lord, you are the truth .. and you are love. You are patient, kind, and so on. You are far more than a warm fuzzy feeling. You are a rock that will fall and crush your enemies - and it is good that you are. Help me to know how I should think, act, and contend for truth - for You. You are King and some day there will bee a decree to carry out death sentences on your enemies. But that is not today - help me to see how to get along with my brothers and sisters ... for Your Name's Sake ...

Turning 40 ...

Well, I did it. It wasn't much, really - all I had to do was watch the clock and keep breathing. As simple as it gets - and yet utterly beyond my control. If it had been the Lord's will for me to stop breathing the moment just before I was "officially" 40, what could I have done about it? Not a thing. But here I am, still breathing, but becoming more aware of the preciousness of every breath. Someday, barring the Lord's return, my breathing will stop. Personally, I hope it's not for about 50 years. I'd like to see my kids grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. I would like to see them get married. I would like to have time with my grand-kids, should I be so blessed. More than anything, though, I want them to be there. I want to spend eternity with them praising the Lord who made us, saved us, and gave us every heavenly blessing in Christ. What tragedy it would be to spend a cherished lifetime with them, only to have them absent throughout eternity. 40 years is nothing in light of that - and so is 90. A billion years in the face of an eternity is but a blinking eye. What a strange reality the Lord has us in! 60, 70, maybe 80 or more years of this reality - this physical reality that tempts us to believe the temporal is all there is - and then ... forever.

Turning 40 doesn't mean a whole lot. We fall in love with our base 10 round numbers - just like Y2K and 100 and so on. But in base 7, I'm 55 ... and in base 12, I'm 34. Not so round. In binary, I'm 101000 - now that looks "big" and "round" - ooooh, must be significant. It's funny how we think of our lives. Yes, I'm halfway to 80 - and as my brother pointed out, a third of the way to 120. I'm closer to retirement age than my pre-teen years, and the wrinkles around my eyes show when I smile. The people I love are also getting older, and, unfortunately, loss is right around the corner - which corner, I don't know. But I know whom I have trusted with my soul, and for the number of days I have left, and for the care of my children's souls - the Lord is good.

My life has been grouped into 4 sets of 10 - I'm now marking off that fifth set day by day. The Lord knows the number of hairs on my head, as well as the days left in my life. He sees everything, knows everything, and works out his will in everything. Someday soon - it is only a moment from now - and He will reveal himself in full splendor! Will my eyes see for themselves what up until now my heart can only see through faith?

Game 4 Win

Well, we were at Game 4 of the 2008 World Series last night between the Tampa Rays and the Philadelphia Phillies. It was fantastic! We got there hours before the gates opened - I think we may have been technically the first ones in line - at least, the first ones at the outfield gates. It was a beautiful fall day and the Eagles game provided some entertainment for a while - there was a projection screen set up along Citizens Bank ballpark, along with the many news agency vans and souvenir stands. My dad and uncle sat at the gates of the park and talked baseball with other fans as they slowly collected.

Inside the park, the workers were getting ready to hand out the "rally towels" to all fans - something so simple, and yet they unify people in a small but real way. When they finally opened the gates, they opened every other gate - of course, ours wasn't one of them. So although we lined up first, we weren't the first ones in. You would have thought the people we shared conversation with through the gate could have told us our gate wasn't going to open, but they didn't.

Walking inside our park was different - the air was different somehow. It was World Series air. My dad ran off to Bull's Barbecue for his standard fare. I decided to get in line at Tony Luke's since the line was relatively short (I think I only waited 10 minutes to place my order). That cheese steak was a World Series cheese steak - and boy did it taste good!

We scouted out our seats in left field, below the big scoreboard. They were actually quite good if you don't mind being away from home plate and not seeing the big board graphics. We were able to see, perhaps for the last time, Pat Burrell in a Phillies uniform. His stock seems to have risen in Philadelphia, although perhaps not enough to justify bringing him back.

Across Ashburn Alley from us was the Baseball tonight setup - we could see John Kruk and Karl Ravitsch with Steve Phillps and Peter Gammons. After the game, they would broadcast baseball tonight. As the fans were leaving, they would chant Kruk's name and although he was working on some kind of a report, he would raise both his arms in acknowledgement to the crowd and the fans would cheer. The pictures I took came out a little blurry, but I got a good one of Kruk's back ... :)

The stadium began to fill and as I walked around to see where my aunt and uncle got to stand with their standing room only tickets, I ran into my friend who works for a local newspaper. I didn't realize he was also a big Phillies fan, though I should have ... So, there were 4 other people I know at the game besides me - 4 out of about 42,000 or .01% ... My aunt and uncle's spot was great - just slightly off center from home plate (towards the third base side) at the metal "troughs" behind the first section of seats. They got fantastic "seats" much cheaper than those around them if they got theirs off stub hub. Home plate section seats were going quite high, if I recall - $1500 and more. Anyway, my uncle said this game was one of the highlights of his life.

I believe that was the most people I have ever been with simultaneously. Back in 1990, I was at a conference with 20,000 people, but the attendance this night was 42,000. Now perhaps I was at a game at the Vet (seating capacity I believe 60,000+) with more people, but I don't remember it - and there certainly wasn't the emotion of a world series game then. I've never been to a Penn State game, or any of the other mega-stadiums. So I believe this was the loudest game I've ever been to, if not the largest crowd. As I stood there in the outfield and let the sheer volume of the cheers come in like waves from the ocean (I couldn't tell you if there was one single Ray fan there that night), what came to my mind? Heaven. Or, more precisely, praising God with all the other saints of all time. Standing before God and having my heart so engulfed by his majesty that praise pours out of me like it never has before ... and standing with billions of other Christians as they do the same. "Awesome" does not even begin to describe this experience. That small Phillies game was just a foretaste of the divine glory that will be revealed. What attracts us to these events, these things "bigger than life?" Is it not the faint echo of something truer, something far more satisfying that has been lost as we live apart from God in this sin-cursed world where death is chained to these bodies?

The Phillies crushed the Rays 10-4. Even the pitcher hit a home run!

God has crushed and will continue to crush his enemies - the World, the flesh, the Devil, sin and death. This victory will be worthy of all praise above any praise we have ever uttered or imagined ...

Sins that so easily beset us...

I have a particular set of sins that ebbs and flows in my experience. No, I'm not going to tell you what they are - but it involves my desires and the actions that flow from them (not a helpful description - isn't that what all sin is?). There are times when I seem to be more vulnerable and times where I can brush off temptation like so much lint off a jacket. These are things, like all sins, that are common to us all. It is so defeating to succumb yet again. It never lives up to the promise, and guilt always follows. Some people might brush this aside as inconsequential, but I cannot. I don't want this in my life anymore, and I hate when I become so foolish to think it will deliver on its promise this time.

Someday I know I will be free of these desires - for when I see Him, I will be like Him. So I know that God will get the victory over this in my life - eventually. I know that he might gain this victory even on this side of heaven. But the struggle is so hard and so relentless, it does seem at times like there is no hope. But there is. Someday there will be no more sin, no more suffering, no more death and decay! Oh what a day that will be!

I know that God is also absolutely sovereign, and therefore he arranges the events of my life so that they are for my best and his glory! He is not the author of sin and He does not tempt anyone, but he allows us to go through the suffering of resisting sin, of feeling its sting, of slow victories for reasons not yet fully revealed. Someday, I will see the top side of the tapestry, when all the "loose threads" and crossed patterns make sense - and He will get the praise.

I do not yet see sin for he horrible reality it is, and I do not see Christ for the all-surpassing, all-satisfying, glorious God He is! Sometimes I think that if I only saw Him as he is, my desire for sin would fade away. There is truth to that, and it would help if those I listen to would verbally exalt Him as He truly is - but I have begun to see that this is not the total answer. Men love darkness. I loved darkness. I still do. Not to the degree I once did - and not when I am controlled by the Spirit. I seem to be a mixture of my old self and new. I don't know if that is theologically accurate, but it is the way it feels. So while I went through a period of thinking I just needed better teachers to give me a more accurate view of the exalted Christ, there is still a problem within me. I still believe the lies.

Lord, forgive me of my lack of clarity. You are owed clear thinking and whole-hearted devotion, and I fall so short. I have been too harsh with others, thinking their "problems" could be fixed by "just" getting a better picture of you. There is no hope for the human heart but you. There is no hope but your plan, your sovereign work in my heart. Forgive me for trite advice, telling others that they "just" needed to pray, to study their Bible, to get an accountability partner, or to get a better picture of Christ. All these things do help, and they are not bad, but they are not the answer - you are. You are the one who changes people - not some technique. You are the one who reaches into a life and accomplishes what you will. You call us to strive with all your energy, to work out our salvation with trembling and fear - for it is you at work in us.

These sins are so stubborn. Your grace is sufficient. Sufficient to forgive my sins, to keep me longing to be better, and some day, in your timing, to make me like Him in this area too. I want it to be so Lord. Yesterday. Forgive me for my impatience. May you have all the glory in this area of my life - and all areas!

How do you help someone?

How do you help someone who won't let you in? Who won't even talk to you? I have a friend in the middle of an adulterous affair. He's lost his job and has isolated himself from people that care for him. His children are angry, and his wife has been betrayed. How do you speak into situations such as these?



I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.



We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...


And so, we can pray for my friend.

What else can we do?



We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.



We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.

Issues with my hands ...

Lately, I have had some issues with my hands. They are often asleep and my wrists are often painful at any angle other than straight. It is a chore to write or even type with them right now, and sleeping can be rough - I generally sleep on my stomach because I have both central and obstructive sleep apnea. Two weeks ago, I tried playing racquetball and my hands were numb almost immediately, and I had very little strength in them. My mom has carpal-tunnel syndrome, so perhaps there is a genetic component to the structure of my wrists. As with many Americans, I could also stand to lose some weight, which would help. Even right now, I have to stop after every sentence and shake my hands out to get the feeling back.

Sometimes it feels wrong to even include this in the category of suffering, since it is relatively minor and is probably somewhat self-inflicted. And yet, it is suffering. I can't write like I want to or type or sleep, but become a "slave" to avoiding pain (and damage) to my wrists and hands.

Yet, even this is within God's sovereign plan for my life - a plan to take me where He wants me to be. Perhaps there is an element of discipline to it, but I have a hard time sometimes acknowledging "discipline" and avoiding the self-loathing perfectionistic spiral that seems to come with it for me. I can't figure out exactly what God is doing in my life, and that's not my job anyway. My job is to listen to what I should do next and to lean on His grace to get me there. I need grace and mercy, for sure. A little "healing" would be nice, too - but I trust the Potter's Hand even as he cuts away the scrap clay to mold me into what he wants mew to be. It's not fun, but where else is there to be? I'd rather be in the hands of my loving Father who is doing his work in me for ultimate good than to be pain free away from him ...

What do you do when someone hurts you?

What do you do when someone hurts you? Not just anyone, but someone close. Not just someone close, but your best friend. Not just hurts you, but strikes you at your core.

I had an experience like that recently. Someone said something to me to struck me down, took my breath away. If you've ever seen the movie "First Knight" with Sean Connery, the scene where Arthur's "dream" dies - that's how I felt and what came to mind for me. It was as if my inspiration was taken away. My dream died. And I was angry.

Now, I simmered for a number of days, not sure what to do, where to go, what to say. But, because of what God has been doing in my life, I was not able to solely camp on the thing done to me. Many things came to mind. First, perhaps God allowed this to take place because I had allowed this relationship to become part of my identity - perhaps to displace or compete with God on His throne in my life. God is my identity alone. Everything else is a blessing from Him, but it's not Him.

Second, I realized that I too have said something similar to this person in the past. Not exactly the same, and it was many years ago, but I suppose it was no less hurtful. And it certainly was no less culpable.

Third, nothing in my life is as good as I thought it was. This is a good realization. Nothing in my life satisfies or lives up to the promises it makes to me. Not baseball, not wrestling, not even theology itself. Nothing except Christ. Christ far outshines the things in my life that I thought were so good. I was content with fool's gold and quartz crystals and "shiny metal trinkets" until I saw true beauty. I was, to borrow a phrase, content with making mud pies in the gutter when a holiday at the sea had been offered. None of the things I thought would satisfy me ever live up to the "billing" they receive in my head.

Only Christ is worthy of worship. Only Christ is worthy of being "on a pedestal" in my life. Only Christ is capable of never letting me down. Only Christ has died for me and lives to make me His own ...

So when someone hurt me, I did not minimize the pain. Instead I remembered my past and what I had done and how Christ forgives me. Things are put in their proper place in my life - if even for only just a moment. I choose to forgive them - which means I relinquish all rights to bring it up again or make them pay for what they did. I thank God for showing me once again that only He truly satisfies. I can enjoy my friend again in Christ - not because they give me what I "need" - but because what I need has been taken care of by Christ.

Theme Parks ...

I have had the opportunity to go to two major theme parks this summer and will be at another one in a month. We also live fairly close to a "second-level" theme park and may go there as well. We've been on the East Coast and the West Coast. In the "somewhat north" and the "somewhat south."

As I reflect on these parks, they really do give experiences that you can get no where else. I don't particularly like riding spinning rides - even the merry-go-rounds make me dizzy - and though I like going fast, I dislike the drops and twists and loops of many roller coasters. I love water rides, though I fear that I will gain more speed than the engineer calculated and go hurtling over the side and become a newspaper headline ... in short, I'm rather boring when it comes to rides - but that's not to say the parks don't try to entice me...

But as I was going on a ride, I began to wonder why it is that we like this adrenaline rush so. Sure, in the moment, your whole body feels "alive" as every nerve screams with some sort of sensation. Is that, though, what we've become? A society that raises nerve impulses to the level of worship? Have we become so calloused to the everyday joys and sorrows of life that we need these "super-experiences" to reach us?

I like going fast. I like feeling the wind on my face, the scenery whizzing by, and the heightened awareness that comes with it. But I can easily fall asleep on a plane traveling 400 miles an hour. So, it's not the raw speed that gets me. Is it the wind? I don't think so. I could probably sit in front of a fan, especially on a hot day, blowing at me at 60 miles an hour and have some fun for a few minutes. So, is it the danger that thrills me? Or the thought of feeling like I'm in control of something powerful?

I don't know. But I know I like theme parks and certain rides. Maybe because they provide unusual experiences. Maybe because they provide a common experience of fun with my fellow humans. Maybe because it tingles those nerve endings. But something still feels wrong.

How empty would life be if that's all we had. No, these experiences are not even the icing on the cake - maybe they're the wax or plastic decorations that adorn certain themes. The real experiences of life - sharing your life with another person, understanding who you truly are and your place in this universe, and ultimately knowing the One True and Living God - these are the things that make life bearable and enjoyable. And these are the things that make eternity conceivable as an everlasting state of happiness. Can you imagine riding Sidewinder for all time? Or "It's a small World?" Or any other ride? Or even every ride known to mankind? Now that would be hell. So what does that make this little small piece we experience now?

How do you know when a dream dies?

There are things going on in my life at the moment that make me wonder if I have put too much hope in certain things coming to pass. It's a bit like when I woke up one day and realized I would never be a major league baseball player. It may be the only dream I have held as far back as I can remember. I remember all those hours from fourth grade on that I spent watching games. The 1980 season is, of course, the highlight for any Phillie fan who was alive to see it. Schmidt, Carlton, Rose, Boone, Trillo, Bowa, Maddox, McBride, Luzinski, McGraw - those names are frozen in my mind as to "who should be playing." I loved Kruk and the 1993 Phillies, and the current Phillies are gaining my "trust" - in spite of the lack of starting pitching. There was a time in my life where I at, slept, and drank baseball during the spring, summer, and fall.

I played little league baseball, but I was not great. Due to a congenital defect and an early operation, I have limited depth perception - so I had a disadvantage batting before I ever started. My build was more conducive to football and wrestling as well. Because of my eyes, I could not play outfield well, either. Through the years, I played second base, third base, and catcher. I played JV baseball one year, and had the opportunity to pitch, but that was a disaster - my ERA was 162.00! But I loved baseball. My dream, as many boys my age was to play for the Phillies.

I remember the shock when the first person younger than me appeared on a baseball card. It was a realization that I would not be drafted and have a long career in the majors. But there was still a young man's hope that somehow, someday I would "be discovered" and shoot to the majors in a flash. Over the years, the hope dimmed but still flickered. Once the majority of players on the Phillies roster was older than I was, though, the dream fell on hard times. Then I had to look hard to find anyone younger than I ... and the dream died.

But really, what was my dream about? Sure, I love baseball - I hope there is baseball in heaven, though I'm not sure how a glorified pitcher and a glorified batter face each other ... but was my dream about fame? fortune? pleasure? Maybe all these and more? I don't really know. I do feel at times jealous of the skill the players have - wondering what it would be like to be able to get the winning hit or the game-saving play. But I have other gifts that perhaps many of them wish they had. And my family is currently healthy, whole, and blessed. Why is it that my heart undervalues what I have for what I think I want that others have? Why do I still chase after the dream? Why isn't my heart in tune with the Lord? He made me and knows my gifts and shortcomings, my desires and dislikes, and the things I invest in and the things I let slip. He is guiding my life to take me exactly where he wants me to go - where I need to go - to be the person I need to be.

My dream should not be about the temporary and fleeting career of a ballplayer. My dream should not be about money or fortune or even the joy of playing baseball. These things are incidental to what I was created to do. I was created to enjoy God, to bask in His radiance, to use the gifts and abilities He has given me for His Glory, for His Kingdom, and for others. Even if no one knows my nae outside of my little circle of family or friends, that's OK - the King of the universe knows my name and is taking me to be with Him. Forever. And that's a dream - a reality - worth investing in...

Motivate by fear, guilt, or love?

As I was driving, I was thinking about some of the sermons I have heard recently that impacted me. Lately, I have been drawn to those that speak most directly of Christ (as opposed to mere moralism with a call to accept Christ tacked on) - elaborating on his Glory, expounding on his love for sinners, and explaining what he has done for us. It has become such an astounding source of comfort and motivation that I have come to dislike teaching that centers only on fear or guilt. This may be a phase in my growth as a Christian, I don't know, but it feels like a great shift to me.

I was a performance-oriented person - actually, I still am, but to a lesser degree - who felt the crushing weight of the law, of being sinful before a Holy God. There was certainly an element of fear in my first coming to Christ. Fear of what was waiting for me if I stood naked before a Holy God. There was also guilt - guilt over things I had done that could never really be put right, and guilt over things I should have done but didn't.

These things - fear and guilt - did motivate me. At first, to try to be better, and then to despair of my efforts. They were condemning and crushing. But then, at some of my lowest points came the realization of the truth that I did in fact believe Christ is who He said he was, and that I had no other hope but Him. But then, astonishingly, I found that he was not interested in a slave, but a son! He did not want to condemn me for my past, but bore the condemnation for it himself! There really was no more condemnation for those in Christ! To learn and to see how filthy I was, and yet how much greater His love - from what world does such love come from? Certainly not this one ...

Christ's love is so much more motivating than even the Holy Fear and Holy Guilt I felt. Fear and guilt were good for driving me to the cross, and they were somewhat effective in keeping me from great sin. But, they did little to motivate me to act sacrificially and they didn't help with those little pesky sins that dog us all. I would even go so far as to say that fear and guilt can make us conform, but only love empowers us to suffer for another. To choose to suffer unjustly for the sake of another is truly Christ-like, and utterly beyond the normal nature of man. To suffer unjustly for a long time, without complaining or boasting? That would be truly other-worldly.

Now, I don't want to suffer. I especially don't want to suffer in the way of watching loved ones suffer. I don't want to ever have anything catastrophic happen to my kids. Or my wife. God is sovereign, and he does sometimes call his people to suffer that way, and, in that, I fear. I know intellectually that His will is always best, and that nothing better could happen than his plan. But I shudder at the thoughts I have like this ...

If God should call me to suffer like this - and I pray wholeheartedly that He does not - the only thing that will get me through this is His love. It won't be fear of Him, as irreverent as that sounds, and it won't be guilt - like knowing I shouldn't feel such things. Those motivations would fall to the ground, I suspect, like a broken piece of costume jewelry - fancy-looking, but relatively worthless. It is only His love that could sustain me through such a time.

And if it is only love that could get me through such a time, it is only love that can truly motivate on an every-day basis. It is only understanding His Glory and His Joy from with His love that can sustain me day to day. I think that's why Christian fads appear. We all know we need something to sustain us. Some believe it's excitement. Some novelty. Some discipline. And some just resign themselves that life must go from extreme highs to extreme lows. But I wonder ... what if people were given a steady diet of the Glory of God and His love for them? The denial of ourselves, and the complete embracing of Him. What if ...