There are things going on in my life at the moment that make me wonder if I have put too much hope in certain things coming to pass. It's a bit like when I woke up one day and realized I would never be a major league baseball player. It may be the only dream I have held as far back as I can remember. I remember all those hours from fourth grade on that I spent watching games. The 1980 season is, of course, the highlight for any Phillie fan who was alive to see it. Schmidt, Carlton, Rose, Boone, Trillo, Bowa, Maddox, McBride, Luzinski, McGraw - those names are frozen in my mind as to "who should be playing." I loved Kruk and the 1993 Phillies, and the current Phillies are gaining my "trust" - in spite of the lack of starting pitching. There was a time in my life where I at, slept, and drank baseball during the spring, summer, and fall.
I played little league baseball, but I was not great. Due to a congenital defect and an early operation, I have limited depth perception - so I had a disadvantage batting before I ever started. My build was more conducive to football and wrestling as well. Because of my eyes, I could not play outfield well, either. Through the years, I played second base, third base, and catcher. I played JV baseball one year, and had the opportunity to pitch, but that was a disaster - my ERA was 162.00! But I loved baseball. My dream, as many boys my age was to play for the Phillies.
I remember the shock when the first person younger than me appeared on a baseball card. It was a realization that I would not be drafted and have a long career in the majors. But there was still a young man's hope that somehow, someday I would "be discovered" and shoot to the majors in a flash. Over the years, the hope dimmed but still flickered. Once the majority of players on the Phillies roster was older than I was, though, the dream fell on hard times. Then I had to look hard to find anyone younger than I ... and the dream died.
But really, what was my dream about? Sure, I love baseball - I hope there is baseball in heaven, though I'm not sure how a glorified pitcher and a glorified batter face each other ... but was my dream about fame? fortune? pleasure? Maybe all these and more? I don't really know. I do feel at times jealous of the skill the players have - wondering what it would be like to be able to get the winning hit or the game-saving play. But I have other gifts that perhaps many of them wish they had. And my family is currently healthy, whole, and blessed. Why is it that my heart undervalues what I have for what I think I want that others have? Why do I still chase after the dream? Why isn't my heart in tune with the Lord? He made me and knows my gifts and shortcomings, my desires and dislikes, and the things I invest in and the things I let slip. He is guiding my life to take me exactly where he wants me to go - where I need to go - to be the person I need to be.
My dream should not be about the temporary and fleeting career of a ballplayer. My dream should not be about money or fortune or even the joy of playing baseball. These things are incidental to what I was created to do. I was created to enjoy God, to bask in His radiance, to use the gifts and abilities He has given me for His Glory, for His Kingdom, and for others. Even if no one knows my nae outside of my little circle of family or friends, that's OK - the King of the universe knows my name and is taking me to be with Him. Forever. And that's a dream - a reality - worth investing in...
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