Showing posts with label despair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label despair. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The Boston Marathon Bombing and our fear ...
What do you do when your fears have merit?
We love to label our fears: acrophobia - fear of heights; Triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number 13; Arachibutyrophobia - the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Sometimes, these fears have little connection to the reality of this world, but other times they reflect a real danger in the world which we cannot control. If you have a fear of flying, no amount of rational talk may calm your fear. Even though the statistics say that flying is safer than driving, it is still a fact that some planes do in fact crash. This fear or anxiety of flying is a pessimistic prediction about the future: I know the likelihood of a crash is low, but some planes do in fact, crash - and I'm sure that this plane I'm about to get on is one of those planes. You cannot rationally talk someone out of this fear, because there is logic in much of their argument. So what do you do when you live in a world where bad things do happen?
What do you do when you live in a world where someone would bomb the runners and spectators of the Boston Marathon? How do we protect ourselves from this danger? The experts will do their best figuring out who and how and why this occurred, though that will be little comfort for those who lost loved ones and limbs in the attack. I suspect there will be far fewer spectators next year at the Marathon because it is nearly impossible to protect 26 miles of a public course through the city. The fear of "what if it happens again?" will probably lead to many watching at home on the TV. I know that fear - my family had to go to Dallas in October of 2001. I decided that we would drive rather than fly because I did not want to face the uncertainty of "what might happen." That turned out to be a memorable trip for us, travelling through a few states for the first time.
Is there any other option? Is there any hope? Is the answer "You can't let them win by making us afraid" or "Just don't think about it" or even a fatalistic "if it is your time to go, you can't change that?" People who have a naturalistic world view must in the end deal with it in their own strength, for there is no one greater to appeal to. But for the Christian, we must remember that nothing that happens on this earth goes unnoticed. Our pain is not merely the electrical response to stimuli, but moves God's heart. Sure, there are hard questions to ask about the existence of evil, but in times of grief and fear, we need to know that Our Father sees, hears, and comforts us even in the most grievous circumstances. The only way to navigate this broken world where evil people do evil things is to know that there is someone greater than those who plot evil. The solution to our fear is not a technique, not denying the reality of life, and not finding strength in ourselves. Trust in the One who rules the Universe settles fear. That's not a guarantee that bad things will not happen, but that you will not be alone if they do. And nothing comes into your life that does not first pass through His nail-pierced hands. This world is not the way it should be, and it is not forever. One day, for those who trust Christ, when we see Him face to face we will be like Him - and all pain, all suffering, all sin, all death, all decay, all destruction, all seperation from what is good will be gone. And he will wipe every tear from our eye ...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
What about MY shame?
I went to a conference recently, and a lot of great things were said. One of the speakers touched on something that I have personally witnessed in my interaction with others. For most of us, Thanksgiving and Christmas are days we look forward to as we consider spending time with cherished family and friends. But they are not so for everyone. Some people are far away from their family by distance, death, or rejection. The holidays are not times of joy for them, but times of sadness and sorrow. There are still others who are dealing with great tragedy in their life who cannot seem to find any reason to rejoice at this time of the year. The gospel has much to say to these people in their circumstances. But there are others for whom the shame of what has been done to them colors all of life. Most of us see how the Gospel relates to things that we have done – but how does it relate to things that have been done to us?
Shame is something we see coming on the scene immediately after Adam and Eve sinned in the garden. Before, they walked and talked with God openly, and they were naked and not ashamed. As soon as they sinned however, we see them hiding from God – and we see God graciously providing coverings for them. This is a hint of what was to come, for we needed more than animal skins to cover our shame before a Holy God. In Exodus 28, we see God providing garments to the priests – giving them “dignity and honor,” for the priests represented the people in the tabernacle/temple. Adam and Eve, in addition, were driven from the garden – they were literally “outcasts.” In the Old Testament, those who were unclean were outcasts. God provides again for the shame of His people as He details sacrifices for the people, sacrifices for sin and uncleanness. In Leviticus 10:10, God tells them to make a distinction between the holy and the common, between the clean and the unclean. The unclean was not to be touched, for the unclean could contaminate the clean. Those who have been sinned against can often feel this sense of “uncleanness” – and how does one get rid of this sense? What can make the unclean clean again? The Holy can make the unclean clean!
Fast forwarding a bit to when Jesus comes on the scene. We find him doing what ought not be done with the unclean - He's touching them. On purpose! Touching lepers to make them clean, touching blind people, touching all sorts of “untouchable” people! He even touches dead bodies (i.e. Jairus’ daughter)! Can you imagine the sense of healing, of wholeness given to those who have been outcasts for years by Jesus touching them and healing them in this way. Lepers who perhaps had not had human contact for years were touched by Him! Lepers who had to go through the streets yelling "unclean! unclean!" so that others could avoid them were now healed! In Luke 8, we see a woman who had been bleeding for 8 years trying to secretly touch the hem of Jesus’ garment – and when she does, she is healed! Jesus doesn't allow that to be the end of the healing, for when he publicly brings her forward, he gives her words of acceptance and peace – affirming that she did not “steal” the healing. When Jesus comes on the scene, we see him pursuing the worst sinners, the outcasts, the ones whom no one associated with. He does not allow a sense of shame, of uncleanness, to come between these people and His love. The “Holy” had come on the scene, and uncleanness itself is banished! Know that if your life is colored by shame, Jesus is willing to touch you, to heal you, and to extend his love to you!
Mark Driscoll strikes a similar tune in his book “Death By Love.” In the chapter on expiation (the cleansing of the stain of sin on our soul), he writes a letter to a woman in his congregation who had been raped. In his own style, Mark Driscoll speaks to her of the gospel – what the gospel has to say to her in her pain. Jesus did not only take the punishment for our sins on the cross, but he also took on our shame! He became a curse for us (Gal 3:13), he became rejected by men and God, spit upon, beaten, and crucified. It is not just that we can be forgiven from whatever we have done – the gospel also cleanses us from any and all shame of what has been done to us! Christ is the Holy One who comes and touches us, who cleanses us, who remakes us into His image - the one who can make us Holy! If you struggle this Thanksgiving and Christmas season because of what has been done to you, look to Christ and see how the Gospel sets you free and cleanses you from even this! Your hope is in Christ!
Falling in Awe at the Savior's Feet Together
Shame is something we see coming on the scene immediately after Adam and Eve sinned in the garden. Before, they walked and talked with God openly, and they were naked and not ashamed. As soon as they sinned however, we see them hiding from God – and we see God graciously providing coverings for them. This is a hint of what was to come, for we needed more than animal skins to cover our shame before a Holy God. In Exodus 28, we see God providing garments to the priests – giving them “dignity and honor,” for the priests represented the people in the tabernacle/temple. Adam and Eve, in addition, were driven from the garden – they were literally “outcasts.” In the Old Testament, those who were unclean were outcasts. God provides again for the shame of His people as He details sacrifices for the people, sacrifices for sin and uncleanness. In Leviticus 10:10, God tells them to make a distinction between the holy and the common, between the clean and the unclean. The unclean was not to be touched, for the unclean could contaminate the clean. Those who have been sinned against can often feel this sense of “uncleanness” – and how does one get rid of this sense? What can make the unclean clean again? The Holy can make the unclean clean!
Fast forwarding a bit to when Jesus comes on the scene. We find him doing what ought not be done with the unclean - He's touching them. On purpose! Touching lepers to make them clean, touching blind people, touching all sorts of “untouchable” people! He even touches dead bodies (i.e. Jairus’ daughter)! Can you imagine the sense of healing, of wholeness given to those who have been outcasts for years by Jesus touching them and healing them in this way. Lepers who perhaps had not had human contact for years were touched by Him! Lepers who had to go through the streets yelling "unclean! unclean!" so that others could avoid them were now healed! In Luke 8, we see a woman who had been bleeding for 8 years trying to secretly touch the hem of Jesus’ garment – and when she does, she is healed! Jesus doesn't allow that to be the end of the healing, for when he publicly brings her forward, he gives her words of acceptance and peace – affirming that she did not “steal” the healing. When Jesus comes on the scene, we see him pursuing the worst sinners, the outcasts, the ones whom no one associated with. He does not allow a sense of shame, of uncleanness, to come between these people and His love. The “Holy” had come on the scene, and uncleanness itself is banished! Know that if your life is colored by shame, Jesus is willing to touch you, to heal you, and to extend his love to you!
Mark Driscoll strikes a similar tune in his book “Death By Love.” In the chapter on expiation (the cleansing of the stain of sin on our soul), he writes a letter to a woman in his congregation who had been raped. In his own style, Mark Driscoll speaks to her of the gospel – what the gospel has to say to her in her pain. Jesus did not only take the punishment for our sins on the cross, but he also took on our shame! He became a curse for us (Gal 3:13), he became rejected by men and God, spit upon, beaten, and crucified. It is not just that we can be forgiven from whatever we have done – the gospel also cleanses us from any and all shame of what has been done to us! Christ is the Holy One who comes and touches us, who cleanses us, who remakes us into His image - the one who can make us Holy! If you struggle this Thanksgiving and Christmas season because of what has been done to you, look to Christ and see how the Gospel sets you free and cleanses you from even this! Your hope is in Christ!
Falling in Awe at the Savior's Feet Together
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Path ...
You have hurt me
You have wronged me
What you have done deserves death
You deserve to die a painful death
You deserve hell
The path I travel is a painful one
A path of remembering
A path of looking behind more often than ahead
A path of pain
A path of sorrow
A path of brokenness
A path of unfulfilled potential
A path of tarnished dreams
A path that should never have been
I will be your everlasting judge
Whenever you come near me, you will face my wrath
I will cover my contempt with smiles and hugs
But you will know my loathing for you
At times, I will actively hate you
I will work for your undoing
I will seek your demise
I will pluck the flesh off your bones
Every day will be life-sucking
Other times I will ignore you
I will not think of you
You will not enter my thoughts
It will be as if you never existed
You will not have the joy of my companionship
You will not be comforted
You are exiled
Someday, you will get yours
When that day comes, I will cackle
Over your broken body
I will rejoice in your demise
I will send gifts to those I love
Rejoicing that your name will soon be forgotten
But not by me
For your name will be a curse
A word I will use to show contempt
A word that I will use callously and trivially
I will dream of your screams
I will know the sound of your bones being crushed
Justice
For all you have done
This is a path of stinking dung
Dung so deep my legs sink in to my knees
Muck so thick that I struggle to take the next step
Each time I labor to lift my foot
There is a sucking sound
As if the muck tries to pull me in
If I stand still
All is lost
I will drown
And I will be added to the muck and mire
Seeking to bring others down to me
My sin
My sin is against the One who is love
My sin is against the Creator and sustainer of all things
My sin is high treason against a good and perfect King
My sin is worse than despicable
My sin stinks up the whole universe
My sin wraps around my neck like the vines of a rose bush
Promising flowers but delivering piercing thorns dripping with blood
It pulls me down to the grave like so many science fiction monsters
But this is real
It pulls me down into the depths of the grave
Into hell itself
My very name
Is a curse to me
I have chosen my own way … rather than the way of one who loves me perfectly
I have chosen to try to rule my own life … rather than to trust Him
I have chosen to set up my own Kingdom … rather than build His
I have chosen to pursue my own comforts … rather than serve Him
I have chosen my foolishness … rather than His wisdom
I have chosen darkness ... rather than light
I have chosen death … over life
Death
Darkness
Silent screams full of terror
Disorientation
Not knowing which way is up
Unable to breathe
Flames lapping at my feet
But never quenched
Justice
For all I have done
Despair
Hope
A light piercing the darkness
The last word not yet spoken
Destinies can be changed
If only
If only there was a King
A King greater than our sin
A King more loving than our hatred
A King committed to Himself
And all that is right and good and true
More than we are committed to our folly
A King with grace and mercy as his companions
A King whose word is his bond
And whose heart is true
Where is this King
We look for this King
Could he be the One
Whom we have disregarded
Whom we have spat upon
Whom we have flogged
Whom we have forsaken
Whom we have cursed
Who has forgiven us freely
For no other reason than He wanted to
We who have brought shame to His Name
We who have insisted on making our own path
We who have judged others
We who call on mute idols to save us
Like riches, power, position, pleasure, or independence
We who fought to be the Captain of our souls
And then shipwrecked upon those jagged rocks of sin
Always seen, rarely feared
We who scourged him
We who drove the nails in
We who crowned him with thorns
We who pierced his side
And mocked his nakedness
And watched him die
No justice
For what had he done to deserve this
For the joy
For the joy set before him
For the joy of bringing many sons and daughters into the Kingdom
For the joy of forgiveness
For the joy of restoration
Forgiveness is not free
Someone paid my debt
Someone took my punishment
Someone took my death
That I fully deserved
That I fully earned
That someone is him
While I was still his enemy
While I was still a rebel
While I was still a thieving murderer loose in his kingdom
He died
He died for me
He died in my place – not just that I might live
Not just that I might be a good slave
Not just that I might have a second chance
He died to make me His
He died to make me His child
He gave me full rights as a child of God
Where I go, I do not deserve
Where he leads, I go – and rejoice
His people resemble him
His children rise and call him blessed
His people call him Faithful and True
Compassionate and Loving
Just and Merciful
Righteousness clothed in unrighteousness
Beauty clothed in ugliness
Majesty crowned in criminality
Paradox
Wonder of wonders!
Life clothed in death
Justice upheld
Mercy triumphant
Love fulfilled
Grace granted
Only believe
The path of a citizen
The path of one forgiven so much
The path of an adopted one
People of the Kingdom forgive
Ambassadors of the King forgive
Children of the King forgive
The path of a beloved
The path of a son
His path
Forgiveness
Not because they must, but because they want to
They want to resemble their King, their Savior, their Father …
We are most like God when we forgive those who have wronged us
Those who have hurt us
Those who have done things that deserve punishment and condemnation
Forgiveness is the loosing of the hand on the noose
The dropping of the whip to scourge
The burning of the ledger of debts
Forgiveness is setting down the hammer and spikes
Time and time again
As you find them in your hands
Forgiveness is remembering the price paid for my great debt
and the smallness of the debt before me
and doing holy math
completing the divine equation
letting flow from my heart what has flowed into it
receiving grace as I kneel before the King
and freely offering it to my worst enemy
Forgiveness frees us from hanging on to the one who hurt us
Bitterness binds us to them every step they take
Forgiveness allows us to see the world again
Bitterness draws the one who hurt us nose to nose that we might extract vengeance … and see nothing else
I’m remembering the hurt … again
The pain … the tears …
I need to remember
Remember the great debt you forgave me
That I might not see this debt through a microscope
Making small things large
And yet, this pain is so overwhelming
It is impossible to forgive
Father, you excel in the impossible
You make your great name and power known
Through change
Change in people like me
To do impossible things
Father forgive us our sins
As we forgive those who sin against us
Father cleanse me
As I release others from my grasp
This path is hard
This path is painful
This path is self-denying
This path
Leads
To
Life
This path
Leads from a cross
To the throne
Of our Father
We must walk it
More than once
And lead others
Through it
This path
Is good
You have wronged me
What you have done deserves death
You deserve to die a painful death
You deserve hell
The path I travel is a painful one
A path of remembering
A path of looking behind more often than ahead
A path of pain
A path of sorrow
A path of brokenness
A path of unfulfilled potential
A path of tarnished dreams
A path that should never have been
I will be your everlasting judge
Whenever you come near me, you will face my wrath
I will cover my contempt with smiles and hugs
But you will know my loathing for you
At times, I will actively hate you
I will work for your undoing
I will seek your demise
I will pluck the flesh off your bones
Every day will be life-sucking
Other times I will ignore you
I will not think of you
You will not enter my thoughts
It will be as if you never existed
You will not have the joy of my companionship
You will not be comforted
You are exiled
Someday, you will get yours
When that day comes, I will cackle
Over your broken body
I will rejoice in your demise
I will send gifts to those I love
Rejoicing that your name will soon be forgotten
But not by me
For your name will be a curse
A word I will use to show contempt
A word that I will use callously and trivially
I will dream of your screams
I will know the sound of your bones being crushed
Justice
For all you have done
This is a path of stinking dung
Dung so deep my legs sink in to my knees
Muck so thick that I struggle to take the next step
Each time I labor to lift my foot
There is a sucking sound
As if the muck tries to pull me in
If I stand still
All is lost
I will drown
And I will be added to the muck and mire
Seeking to bring others down to me
My sin
My sin is against the One who is love
My sin is against the Creator and sustainer of all things
My sin is high treason against a good and perfect King
My sin is worse than despicable
My sin stinks up the whole universe
My sin wraps around my neck like the vines of a rose bush
Promising flowers but delivering piercing thorns dripping with blood
It pulls me down to the grave like so many science fiction monsters
But this is real
It pulls me down into the depths of the grave
Into hell itself
My very name
Is a curse to me
I have chosen my own way … rather than the way of one who loves me perfectly
I have chosen to try to rule my own life … rather than to trust Him
I have chosen to set up my own Kingdom … rather than build His
I have chosen to pursue my own comforts … rather than serve Him
I have chosen my foolishness … rather than His wisdom
I have chosen darkness ... rather than light
I have chosen death … over life
Death
Darkness
Silent screams full of terror
Disorientation
Not knowing which way is up
Unable to breathe
Flames lapping at my feet
But never quenched
Justice
For all I have done
Despair
Hope
A light piercing the darkness
The last word not yet spoken
Destinies can be changed
If only
If only there was a King
A King greater than our sin
A King more loving than our hatred
A King committed to Himself
And all that is right and good and true
More than we are committed to our folly
A King with grace and mercy as his companions
A King whose word is his bond
And whose heart is true
Where is this King
We look for this King
Could he be the One
Whom we have disregarded
Whom we have spat upon
Whom we have flogged
Whom we have forsaken
Whom we have cursed
Who has forgiven us freely
For no other reason than He wanted to
We who have brought shame to His Name
We who have insisted on making our own path
We who have judged others
We who call on mute idols to save us
Like riches, power, position, pleasure, or independence
We who fought to be the Captain of our souls
And then shipwrecked upon those jagged rocks of sin
Always seen, rarely feared
We who scourged him
We who drove the nails in
We who crowned him with thorns
We who pierced his side
And mocked his nakedness
And watched him die
No justice
For what had he done to deserve this
For the joy
For the joy set before him
For the joy of bringing many sons and daughters into the Kingdom
For the joy of forgiveness
For the joy of restoration
Forgiveness is not free
Someone paid my debt
Someone took my punishment
Someone took my death
That I fully deserved
That I fully earned
That someone is him
While I was still his enemy
While I was still a rebel
While I was still a thieving murderer loose in his kingdom
He died
He died for me
He died in my place – not just that I might live
Not just that I might be a good slave
Not just that I might have a second chance
He died to make me His
He died to make me His child
He gave me full rights as a child of God
Where I go, I do not deserve
Where he leads, I go – and rejoice
His people resemble him
His children rise and call him blessed
His people call him Faithful and True
Compassionate and Loving
Just and Merciful
Righteousness clothed in unrighteousness
Beauty clothed in ugliness
Majesty crowned in criminality
Paradox
Wonder of wonders!
Life clothed in death
Justice upheld
Mercy triumphant
Love fulfilled
Grace granted
Only believe
The path of a citizen
The path of one forgiven so much
The path of an adopted one
People of the Kingdom forgive
Ambassadors of the King forgive
Children of the King forgive
The path of a beloved
The path of a son
His path
Forgiveness
Not because they must, but because they want to
They want to resemble their King, their Savior, their Father …
We are most like God when we forgive those who have wronged us
Those who have hurt us
Those who have done things that deserve punishment and condemnation
Forgiveness is the loosing of the hand on the noose
The dropping of the whip to scourge
The burning of the ledger of debts
Forgiveness is setting down the hammer and spikes
Time and time again
As you find them in your hands
Forgiveness is remembering the price paid for my great debt
and the smallness of the debt before me
and doing holy math
completing the divine equation
letting flow from my heart what has flowed into it
receiving grace as I kneel before the King
and freely offering it to my worst enemy
Forgiveness frees us from hanging on to the one who hurt us
Bitterness binds us to them every step they take
Forgiveness allows us to see the world again
Bitterness draws the one who hurt us nose to nose that we might extract vengeance … and see nothing else
I’m remembering the hurt … again
The pain … the tears …
I need to remember
Remember the great debt you forgave me
That I might not see this debt through a microscope
Making small things large
And yet, this pain is so overwhelming
It is impossible to forgive
Father, you excel in the impossible
You make your great name and power known
Through change
Change in people like me
To do impossible things
Father forgive us our sins
As we forgive those who sin against us
Father cleanse me
As I release others from my grasp
This path is hard
This path is painful
This path is self-denying
This path
Leads
To
Life
This path
Leads from a cross
To the throne
Of our Father
We must walk it
More than once
And lead others
Through it
This path
Is good
Monday, February 16, 2009
A truly different funeral ...
I went, last Thursday to the funeral of the 24-year old niece of one of our Elders. She was killed in a car accident on February 7 at about 10 AM. I went along with 3 other Elders primarily to support our fellow Elder, his daughter, his son, and the rest of his family. Funerals are obviously something you never want to go to - especially for someone so young.
This funeral was different than any I had ever been to before. First, there were, at my rough estimate, at least 1500 people there. While that is a lot, one might attribute it to a sudden death of someone so young. Second, the funeral lasted 3 and 1/2 hours - and there was really only one ten-minute section or so where I felt it was dragging a bit, with all due respect. For the rest of the time, the pastors did a wonderful job incorporating meaningful music (surprisingly upbeat for a funeral one might say) and the chosen representative speakers spoke from the heart and spoke well. I did not know the young woman, and so I was somewhat emotionally detached from the sudden tragedy, but I left there actually feeling ministered to. It was different than anything I've ever been to before. It was a funeral I would want to have at my time to minister to my friends and family - especially those who do not know the Lord.
Some of the details of her life I remember are this: She had grown up in this particular church and spent years in the youth group and young adult ministries. She went on missions trips to China, where she befriended many Chinese nationals - one in particular. Apparently this young lady was not just attractive and had a good personality, but had a way about her that made those around her feel valued. She went to college, where she continued to make friends and reach out to those around her. After graduating last May, she spent about a year looking for employment in her field - looking back, the family said that they were grateful for this past year and the time they could spend together. About two months ago, she got a job in her chosen field and was adjusting to it well. On that Saturday morning, she was on her way to do something (I forget if it was shopping or something else). The same morning, a husband and wife had an argument elsewhere in her city. The wife took off in her car, and the husband sped after her in his. Apparently, he lost control of his vehicle, crossing the median and hitting this young woman head on. She did not die immediately, and some of the paramedics were there at her funeral to be honored for their efforts at saving her. But she died at the scene.
As I reflect upon this incident, there are questions and thoughts that come to my mind - perhaps the same ones as yours. Why did this happen to someone so young? Why didn't she get delayed in her driveway and therefore miss the oncoming car? Why did someone who was apparently living well for the Lord die like this? Who can protect their children from tragedy in this world? If it can happen to her, what about my kids? What greater purpose could there be in this rather than letting her live out her life on the apparent track she was on? If this might happen at any time, is it better not to have kids? Who has any real control over anything in their lives?
Humanly speaking, this man and his wife are culpable for this death. From what I know, there was no wrong doing - not even a minor traffic infraction - by this young woman. Do you feel the wrongness of this? Do you see that this is just another example of a world gone mad by sin? Do you have that "righteous indignation" that this was so WRONG for this child to be taken like this! Does your heart want justice for this family? Do you not want to see our human justice system perform correctly here? Do you not want God to intervene in this family's life - to right the wrongs, to undo the damage, to restore vibrant life to where it was? Does not your heart long for this? My heart rages against the seeming senselessness of this ...
But then I consider ... Do you (I) see yourself (myself) as "different" from the husband and wife? Do you see that perhaps this could have been you after an argument with someone? Do you see in yourself the seeds of such sin of disregard for others around you? Do you sense your self-absorption to the exclusion of foresight of the tragedy you may inadvertently cause because of adherence to your agenda or your consumption in your fears, tears, or anger? Do you see the unintended consequences that could befall a moment of distracted driving?
I certainly don't have answers to the ultimate questions. The self-introspective ones I may have an inkling, but I don't like the answers. I'm not sure anyone does. The family stated that they were having a hard time themselves seeing this as from the Lord - and yet, in faith, they affirmed verses like "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will return. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I'm not sure I could say the same thing looking at my child's coffin. I know I don't want to find out. I'd rather have my arms and legs cut off than lose one of my kids - and I would gladly die for them. But I don't know the danger around them, nor the danger coming at them - and I can't control their environment enough to guarantee safety. All I can do is trust - trust the Lord that His sovereign hand is at work in even this and that there is some greater plan to life than just my personal happiness. But, wow, I so do not want to go anywhere near the pain this family has gone through. God's answer is always best - but I do not have the ability to understand this one.
One might be able to be cynical and say "everyone says nice things at a funeral" or "it is easy to put together a show and not reflect the reality in their lives." One might be right, too. But something came through that night that these were not just empty sayings and religious words - these really seemed to reflect the people's hearts. The depth of pain, in my opinion, stripped away any veneer and I think we got a glimpse into her family's heart. They are certainly hurting, probably more so now that the shock is wearing off and life returns to "normal" - as normal as it can get knowing that you will never see your youngest daughter walk through the door this side of eternity again.
How do you make sense of a tragedy like this? I don't think you can. It's a bit of an overused word picture, but I think it is accurate to say that the bottom side of a beautiful tapestry makes no sense until you see the top. I believe the Bible teaches that God is sovereign over all things - which means at the very least, he allowed this to happen. But this really is where theology meets life. Can one affirm in the darkest places what one is taught in the light? How does the Bible teach us to deal with tragedy in light of the truth presented about God's sovereignty? God himself does not back away from the hard answers sovereignty points to. It would be far too easy to remain sterile and academic about this and rattle off the "right answers." But how would you help this grieving family?
Would you try to find "the right words" to say? Or would you refrain from speaking any words - choosing to weep with those who weep? Would you try to answer a grieving father's cries as he questions why his daughter was taken in this manner? Or would you believe there is no suitable answer to tragedy - no intellectual reason that can make it OK at this moment - and seek to just enter the pain with him?
Would you quote Bible verses to them? Would you try to tell them of a time when you faced a tragedy? Would you try to tell them they just need "more faith?" Would you assume (even if you never said it) that they or this woman must have done something to deserve this? How would you minister to them at this time? Would your words (or silence) add to his grief, comfort him, or just be empty like dusty cobwebs in the corner of the ceiling which no one can reach?
You see, I think our understanding of the gospel has got to be able to handle even these tragedies. If the gospel cannot answer the pain of this family, the gospel has no real power. Christ must be savior in the midst of tragedy, or He is no savior. This should drive us to seek deep answers to hard questions. There are answers. God can handle the tough questions. Don't give a 5 cent answer to a hundred dollar question. Trite phrases and glib quotes won't help pain this deep. There must be something to our faith to help people like this.
This was a tragedy. The family and friends are grieving deeply. They grieve with hope, however. They know their God is trustworthy, that this life is fleeting, and that one day, they will see their daughter/sister/friend again. One day, God will set all things right. That day is not today however. I don't think I have the strength to go through what they did - and yet, I am powerless to prevent such a thing from happening. I have no other choice but to throw myself on his mercy and love and know that whatever comes into my life, comes to my life through nail-pierced hands. I shudder and beg, but I try to trust ...
This funeral was different than any I had ever been to before. First, there were, at my rough estimate, at least 1500 people there. While that is a lot, one might attribute it to a sudden death of someone so young. Second, the funeral lasted 3 and 1/2 hours - and there was really only one ten-minute section or so where I felt it was dragging a bit, with all due respect. For the rest of the time, the pastors did a wonderful job incorporating meaningful music (surprisingly upbeat for a funeral one might say) and the chosen representative speakers spoke from the heart and spoke well. I did not know the young woman, and so I was somewhat emotionally detached from the sudden tragedy, but I left there actually feeling ministered to. It was different than anything I've ever been to before. It was a funeral I would want to have at my time to minister to my friends and family - especially those who do not know the Lord.
Some of the details of her life I remember are this: She had grown up in this particular church and spent years in the youth group and young adult ministries. She went on missions trips to China, where she befriended many Chinese nationals - one in particular. Apparently this young lady was not just attractive and had a good personality, but had a way about her that made those around her feel valued. She went to college, where she continued to make friends and reach out to those around her. After graduating last May, she spent about a year looking for employment in her field - looking back, the family said that they were grateful for this past year and the time they could spend together. About two months ago, she got a job in her chosen field and was adjusting to it well. On that Saturday morning, she was on her way to do something (I forget if it was shopping or something else). The same morning, a husband and wife had an argument elsewhere in her city. The wife took off in her car, and the husband sped after her in his. Apparently, he lost control of his vehicle, crossing the median and hitting this young woman head on. She did not die immediately, and some of the paramedics were there at her funeral to be honored for their efforts at saving her. But she died at the scene.
As I reflect upon this incident, there are questions and thoughts that come to my mind - perhaps the same ones as yours. Why did this happen to someone so young? Why didn't she get delayed in her driveway and therefore miss the oncoming car? Why did someone who was apparently living well for the Lord die like this? Who can protect their children from tragedy in this world? If it can happen to her, what about my kids? What greater purpose could there be in this rather than letting her live out her life on the apparent track she was on? If this might happen at any time, is it better not to have kids? Who has any real control over anything in their lives?
Humanly speaking, this man and his wife are culpable for this death. From what I know, there was no wrong doing - not even a minor traffic infraction - by this young woman. Do you feel the wrongness of this? Do you see that this is just another example of a world gone mad by sin? Do you have that "righteous indignation" that this was so WRONG for this child to be taken like this! Does your heart want justice for this family? Do you not want to see our human justice system perform correctly here? Do you not want God to intervene in this family's life - to right the wrongs, to undo the damage, to restore vibrant life to where it was? Does not your heart long for this? My heart rages against the seeming senselessness of this ...
But then I consider ... Do you (I) see yourself (myself) as "different" from the husband and wife? Do you see that perhaps this could have been you after an argument with someone? Do you see in yourself the seeds of such sin of disregard for others around you? Do you sense your self-absorption to the exclusion of foresight of the tragedy you may inadvertently cause because of adherence to your agenda or your consumption in your fears, tears, or anger? Do you see the unintended consequences that could befall a moment of distracted driving?
I certainly don't have answers to the ultimate questions. The self-introspective ones I may have an inkling, but I don't like the answers. I'm not sure anyone does. The family stated that they were having a hard time themselves seeing this as from the Lord - and yet, in faith, they affirmed verses like "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will return. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I'm not sure I could say the same thing looking at my child's coffin. I know I don't want to find out. I'd rather have my arms and legs cut off than lose one of my kids - and I would gladly die for them. But I don't know the danger around them, nor the danger coming at them - and I can't control their environment enough to guarantee safety. All I can do is trust - trust the Lord that His sovereign hand is at work in even this and that there is some greater plan to life than just my personal happiness. But, wow, I so do not want to go anywhere near the pain this family has gone through. God's answer is always best - but I do not have the ability to understand this one.
One might be able to be cynical and say "everyone says nice things at a funeral" or "it is easy to put together a show and not reflect the reality in their lives." One might be right, too. But something came through that night that these were not just empty sayings and religious words - these really seemed to reflect the people's hearts. The depth of pain, in my opinion, stripped away any veneer and I think we got a glimpse into her family's heart. They are certainly hurting, probably more so now that the shock is wearing off and life returns to "normal" - as normal as it can get knowing that you will never see your youngest daughter walk through the door this side of eternity again.
How do you make sense of a tragedy like this? I don't think you can. It's a bit of an overused word picture, but I think it is accurate to say that the bottom side of a beautiful tapestry makes no sense until you see the top. I believe the Bible teaches that God is sovereign over all things - which means at the very least, he allowed this to happen. But this really is where theology meets life. Can one affirm in the darkest places what one is taught in the light? How does the Bible teach us to deal with tragedy in light of the truth presented about God's sovereignty? God himself does not back away from the hard answers sovereignty points to. It would be far too easy to remain sterile and academic about this and rattle off the "right answers." But how would you help this grieving family?
Would you try to find "the right words" to say? Or would you refrain from speaking any words - choosing to weep with those who weep? Would you try to answer a grieving father's cries as he questions why his daughter was taken in this manner? Or would you believe there is no suitable answer to tragedy - no intellectual reason that can make it OK at this moment - and seek to just enter the pain with him?
Would you quote Bible verses to them? Would you try to tell them of a time when you faced a tragedy? Would you try to tell them they just need "more faith?" Would you assume (even if you never said it) that they or this woman must have done something to deserve this? How would you minister to them at this time? Would your words (or silence) add to his grief, comfort him, or just be empty like dusty cobwebs in the corner of the ceiling which no one can reach?
You see, I think our understanding of the gospel has got to be able to handle even these tragedies. If the gospel cannot answer the pain of this family, the gospel has no real power. Christ must be savior in the midst of tragedy, or He is no savior. This should drive us to seek deep answers to hard questions. There are answers. God can handle the tough questions. Don't give a 5 cent answer to a hundred dollar question. Trite phrases and glib quotes won't help pain this deep. There must be something to our faith to help people like this.
This was a tragedy. The family and friends are grieving deeply. They grieve with hope, however. They know their God is trustworthy, that this life is fleeting, and that one day, they will see their daughter/sister/friend again. One day, God will set all things right. That day is not today however. I don't think I have the strength to go through what they did - and yet, I am powerless to prevent such a thing from happening. I have no other choice but to throw myself on his mercy and love and know that whatever comes into my life, comes to my life through nail-pierced hands. I shudder and beg, but I try to trust ...
Friday, October 10, 2008
Sins that so easily beset us...
I have a particular set of sins that ebbs and flows in my experience. No, I'm not going to tell you what they are - but it involves my desires and the actions that flow from them (not a helpful description - isn't that what all sin is?). There are times when I seem to be more vulnerable and times where I can brush off temptation like so much lint off a jacket. These are things, like all sins, that are common to us all. It is so defeating to succumb yet again. It never lives up to the promise, and guilt always follows. Some people might brush this aside as inconsequential, but I cannot. I don't want this in my life anymore, and I hate when I become so foolish to think it will deliver on its promise this time.
Someday I know I will be free of these desires - for when I see Him, I will be like Him. So I know that God will get the victory over this in my life - eventually. I know that he might gain this victory even on this side of heaven. But the struggle is so hard and so relentless, it does seem at times like there is no hope. But there is. Someday there will be no more sin, no more suffering, no more death and decay! Oh what a day that will be!
I know that God is also absolutely sovereign, and therefore he arranges the events of my life so that they are for my best and his glory! He is not the author of sin and He does not tempt anyone, but he allows us to go through the suffering of resisting sin, of feeling its sting, of slow victories for reasons not yet fully revealed. Someday, I will see the top side of the tapestry, when all the "loose threads" and crossed patterns make sense - and He will get the praise.
I do not yet see sin for he horrible reality it is, and I do not see Christ for the all-surpassing, all-satisfying, glorious God He is! Sometimes I think that if I only saw Him as he is, my desire for sin would fade away. There is truth to that, and it would help if those I listen to would verbally exalt Him as He truly is - but I have begun to see that this is not the total answer. Men love darkness. I loved darkness. I still do. Not to the degree I once did - and not when I am controlled by the Spirit. I seem to be a mixture of my old self and new. I don't know if that is theologically accurate, but it is the way it feels. So while I went through a period of thinking I just needed better teachers to give me a more accurate view of the exalted Christ, there is still a problem within me. I still believe the lies.
Lord, forgive me of my lack of clarity. You are owed clear thinking and whole-hearted devotion, and I fall so short. I have been too harsh with others, thinking their "problems" could be fixed by "just" getting a better picture of you. There is no hope for the human heart but you. There is no hope but your plan, your sovereign work in my heart. Forgive me for trite advice, telling others that they "just" needed to pray, to study their Bible, to get an accountability partner, or to get a better picture of Christ. All these things do help, and they are not bad, but they are not the answer - you are. You are the one who changes people - not some technique. You are the one who reaches into a life and accomplishes what you will. You call us to strive with all your energy, to work out our salvation with trembling and fear - for it is you at work in us.
These sins are so stubborn. Your grace is sufficient. Sufficient to forgive my sins, to keep me longing to be better, and some day, in your timing, to make me like Him in this area too. I want it to be so Lord. Yesterday. Forgive me for my impatience. May you have all the glory in this area of my life - and all areas!
Someday I know I will be free of these desires - for when I see Him, I will be like Him. So I know that God will get the victory over this in my life - eventually. I know that he might gain this victory even on this side of heaven. But the struggle is so hard and so relentless, it does seem at times like there is no hope. But there is. Someday there will be no more sin, no more suffering, no more death and decay! Oh what a day that will be!
I know that God is also absolutely sovereign, and therefore he arranges the events of my life so that they are for my best and his glory! He is not the author of sin and He does not tempt anyone, but he allows us to go through the suffering of resisting sin, of feeling its sting, of slow victories for reasons not yet fully revealed. Someday, I will see the top side of the tapestry, when all the "loose threads" and crossed patterns make sense - and He will get the praise.
I do not yet see sin for he horrible reality it is, and I do not see Christ for the all-surpassing, all-satisfying, glorious God He is! Sometimes I think that if I only saw Him as he is, my desire for sin would fade away. There is truth to that, and it would help if those I listen to would verbally exalt Him as He truly is - but I have begun to see that this is not the total answer. Men love darkness. I loved darkness. I still do. Not to the degree I once did - and not when I am controlled by the Spirit. I seem to be a mixture of my old self and new. I don't know if that is theologically accurate, but it is the way it feels. So while I went through a period of thinking I just needed better teachers to give me a more accurate view of the exalted Christ, there is still a problem within me. I still believe the lies.
Lord, forgive me of my lack of clarity. You are owed clear thinking and whole-hearted devotion, and I fall so short. I have been too harsh with others, thinking their "problems" could be fixed by "just" getting a better picture of you. There is no hope for the human heart but you. There is no hope but your plan, your sovereign work in my heart. Forgive me for trite advice, telling others that they "just" needed to pray, to study their Bible, to get an accountability partner, or to get a better picture of Christ. All these things do help, and they are not bad, but they are not the answer - you are. You are the one who changes people - not some technique. You are the one who reaches into a life and accomplishes what you will. You call us to strive with all your energy, to work out our salvation with trembling and fear - for it is you at work in us.
These sins are so stubborn. Your grace is sufficient. Sufficient to forgive my sins, to keep me longing to be better, and some day, in your timing, to make me like Him in this area too. I want it to be so Lord. Yesterday. Forgive me for my impatience. May you have all the glory in this area of my life - and all areas!
Monday, September 29, 2008
How do you help someone?
How do you help someone who won't let you in? Who won't even talk to you? I have a friend in the middle of an adulterous affair. He's lost his job and has isolated himself from people that care for him. His children are angry, and his wife has been betrayed. How do you speak into situations such as these?
I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.
We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...
And so, we can pray for my friend.
What else can we do?
We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.
We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.
I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.
We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...
And so, we can pray for my friend.
What else can we do?
We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.
We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Issues with my hands ...
Lately, I have had some issues with my hands. They are often asleep and my wrists are often painful at any angle other than straight. It is a chore to write or even type with them right now, and sleeping can be rough - I generally sleep on my stomach because I have both central and obstructive sleep apnea. Two weeks ago, I tried playing racquetball and my hands were numb almost immediately, and I had very little strength in them. My mom has carpal-tunnel syndrome, so perhaps there is a genetic component to the structure of my wrists. As with many Americans, I could also stand to lose some weight, which would help. Even right now, I have to stop after every sentence and shake my hands out to get the feeling back.
Sometimes it feels wrong to even include this in the category of suffering, since it is relatively minor and is probably somewhat self-inflicted. And yet, it is suffering. I can't write like I want to or type or sleep, but become a "slave" to avoiding pain (and damage) to my wrists and hands.
Yet, even this is within God's sovereign plan for my life - a plan to take me where He wants me to be. Perhaps there is an element of discipline to it, but I have a hard time sometimes acknowledging "discipline" and avoiding the self-loathing perfectionistic spiral that seems to come with it for me. I can't figure out exactly what God is doing in my life, and that's not my job anyway. My job is to listen to what I should do next and to lean on His grace to get me there. I need grace and mercy, for sure. A little "healing" would be nice, too - but I trust the Potter's Hand even as he cuts away the scrap clay to mold me into what he wants mew to be. It's not fun, but where else is there to be? I'd rather be in the hands of my loving Father who is doing his work in me for ultimate good than to be pain free away from him ...
Sometimes it feels wrong to even include this in the category of suffering, since it is relatively minor and is probably somewhat self-inflicted. And yet, it is suffering. I can't write like I want to or type or sleep, but become a "slave" to avoiding pain (and damage) to my wrists and hands.
Yet, even this is within God's sovereign plan for my life - a plan to take me where He wants me to be. Perhaps there is an element of discipline to it, but I have a hard time sometimes acknowledging "discipline" and avoiding the self-loathing perfectionistic spiral that seems to come with it for me. I can't figure out exactly what God is doing in my life, and that's not my job anyway. My job is to listen to what I should do next and to lean on His grace to get me there. I need grace and mercy, for sure. A little "healing" would be nice, too - but I trust the Potter's Hand even as he cuts away the scrap clay to mold me into what he wants mew to be. It's not fun, but where else is there to be? I'd rather be in the hands of my loving Father who is doing his work in me for ultimate good than to be pain free away from him ...
Monday, July 14, 2008
What do you do when someone hurts you?
What do you do when someone hurts you? Not just anyone, but someone close. Not just someone close, but your best friend. Not just hurts you, but strikes you at your core.
I had an experience like that recently. Someone said something to me to struck me down, took my breath away. If you've ever seen the movie "First Knight" with Sean Connery, the scene where Arthur's "dream" dies - that's how I felt and what came to mind for me. It was as if my inspiration was taken away. My dream died. And I was angry.
Now, I simmered for a number of days, not sure what to do, where to go, what to say. But, because of what God has been doing in my life, I was not able to solely camp on the thing done to me. Many things came to mind. First, perhaps God allowed this to take place because I had allowed this relationship to become part of my identity - perhaps to displace or compete with God on His throne in my life. God is my identity alone. Everything else is a blessing from Him, but it's not Him.
Second, I realized that I too have said something similar to this person in the past. Not exactly the same, and it was many years ago, but I suppose it was no less hurtful. And it certainly was no less culpable.
Third, nothing in my life is as good as I thought it was. This is a good realization. Nothing in my life satisfies or lives up to the promises it makes to me. Not baseball, not wrestling, not even theology itself. Nothing except Christ. Christ far outshines the things in my life that I thought were so good. I was content with fool's gold and quartz crystals and "shiny metal trinkets" until I saw true beauty. I was, to borrow a phrase, content with making mud pies in the gutter when a holiday at the sea had been offered. None of the things I thought would satisfy me ever live up to the "billing" they receive in my head.
Only Christ is worthy of worship. Only Christ is worthy of being "on a pedestal" in my life. Only Christ is capable of never letting me down. Only Christ has died for me and lives to make me His own ...
So when someone hurt me, I did not minimize the pain. Instead I remembered my past and what I had done and how Christ forgives me. Things are put in their proper place in my life - if even for only just a moment. I choose to forgive them - which means I relinquish all rights to bring it up again or make them pay for what they did. I thank God for showing me once again that only He truly satisfies. I can enjoy my friend again in Christ - not because they give me what I "need" - but because what I need has been taken care of by Christ.
I had an experience like that recently. Someone said something to me to struck me down, took my breath away. If you've ever seen the movie "First Knight" with Sean Connery, the scene where Arthur's "dream" dies - that's how I felt and what came to mind for me. It was as if my inspiration was taken away. My dream died. And I was angry.
Now, I simmered for a number of days, not sure what to do, where to go, what to say. But, because of what God has been doing in my life, I was not able to solely camp on the thing done to me. Many things came to mind. First, perhaps God allowed this to take place because I had allowed this relationship to become part of my identity - perhaps to displace or compete with God on His throne in my life. God is my identity alone. Everything else is a blessing from Him, but it's not Him.
Second, I realized that I too have said something similar to this person in the past. Not exactly the same, and it was many years ago, but I suppose it was no less hurtful. And it certainly was no less culpable.
Third, nothing in my life is as good as I thought it was. This is a good realization. Nothing in my life satisfies or lives up to the promises it makes to me. Not baseball, not wrestling, not even theology itself. Nothing except Christ. Christ far outshines the things in my life that I thought were so good. I was content with fool's gold and quartz crystals and "shiny metal trinkets" until I saw true beauty. I was, to borrow a phrase, content with making mud pies in the gutter when a holiday at the sea had been offered. None of the things I thought would satisfy me ever live up to the "billing" they receive in my head.
Only Christ is worthy of worship. Only Christ is worthy of being "on a pedestal" in my life. Only Christ is capable of never letting me down. Only Christ has died for me and lives to make me His own ...
So when someone hurt me, I did not minimize the pain. Instead I remembered my past and what I had done and how Christ forgives me. Things are put in their proper place in my life - if even for only just a moment. I choose to forgive them - which means I relinquish all rights to bring it up again or make them pay for what they did. I thank God for showing me once again that only He truly satisfies. I can enjoy my friend again in Christ - not because they give me what I "need" - but because what I need has been taken care of by Christ.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Theme Parks ...
I have had the opportunity to go to two major theme parks this summer and will be at another one in a month. We also live fairly close to a "second-level" theme park and may go there as well. We've been on the East Coast and the West Coast. In the "somewhat north" and the "somewhat south."
As I reflect on these parks, they really do give experiences that you can get no where else. I don't particularly like riding spinning rides - even the merry-go-rounds make me dizzy - and though I like going fast, I dislike the drops and twists and loops of many roller coasters. I love water rides, though I fear that I will gain more speed than the engineer calculated and go hurtling over the side and become a newspaper headline ... in short, I'm rather boring when it comes to rides - but that's not to say the parks don't try to entice me...
But as I was going on a ride, I began to wonder why it is that we like this adrenaline rush so. Sure, in the moment, your whole body feels "alive" as every nerve screams with some sort of sensation. Is that, though, what we've become? A society that raises nerve impulses to the level of worship? Have we become so calloused to the everyday joys and sorrows of life that we need these "super-experiences" to reach us?
I like going fast. I like feeling the wind on my face, the scenery whizzing by, and the heightened awareness that comes with it. But I can easily fall asleep on a plane traveling 400 miles an hour. So, it's not the raw speed that gets me. Is it the wind? I don't think so. I could probably sit in front of a fan, especially on a hot day, blowing at me at 60 miles an hour and have some fun for a few minutes. So, is it the danger that thrills me? Or the thought of feeling like I'm in control of something powerful?
I don't know. But I know I like theme parks and certain rides. Maybe because they provide unusual experiences. Maybe because they provide a common experience of fun with my fellow humans. Maybe because it tingles those nerve endings. But something still feels wrong.
How empty would life be if that's all we had. No, these experiences are not even the icing on the cake - maybe they're the wax or plastic decorations that adorn certain themes. The real experiences of life - sharing your life with another person, understanding who you truly are and your place in this universe, and ultimately knowing the One True and Living God - these are the things that make life bearable and enjoyable. And these are the things that make eternity conceivable as an everlasting state of happiness. Can you imagine riding Sidewinder for all time? Or "It's a small World?" Or any other ride? Or even every ride known to mankind? Now that would be hell. So what does that make this little small piece we experience now?
As I reflect on these parks, they really do give experiences that you can get no where else. I don't particularly like riding spinning rides - even the merry-go-rounds make me dizzy - and though I like going fast, I dislike the drops and twists and loops of many roller coasters. I love water rides, though I fear that I will gain more speed than the engineer calculated and go hurtling over the side and become a newspaper headline ... in short, I'm rather boring when it comes to rides - but that's not to say the parks don't try to entice me...
But as I was going on a ride, I began to wonder why it is that we like this adrenaline rush so. Sure, in the moment, your whole body feels "alive" as every nerve screams with some sort of sensation. Is that, though, what we've become? A society that raises nerve impulses to the level of worship? Have we become so calloused to the everyday joys and sorrows of life that we need these "super-experiences" to reach us?
I like going fast. I like feeling the wind on my face, the scenery whizzing by, and the heightened awareness that comes with it. But I can easily fall asleep on a plane traveling 400 miles an hour. So, it's not the raw speed that gets me. Is it the wind? I don't think so. I could probably sit in front of a fan, especially on a hot day, blowing at me at 60 miles an hour and have some fun for a few minutes. So, is it the danger that thrills me? Or the thought of feeling like I'm in control of something powerful?
I don't know. But I know I like theme parks and certain rides. Maybe because they provide unusual experiences. Maybe because they provide a common experience of fun with my fellow humans. Maybe because it tingles those nerve endings. But something still feels wrong.
How empty would life be if that's all we had. No, these experiences are not even the icing on the cake - maybe they're the wax or plastic decorations that adorn certain themes. The real experiences of life - sharing your life with another person, understanding who you truly are and your place in this universe, and ultimately knowing the One True and Living God - these are the things that make life bearable and enjoyable. And these are the things that make eternity conceivable as an everlasting state of happiness. Can you imagine riding Sidewinder for all time? Or "It's a small World?" Or any other ride? Or even every ride known to mankind? Now that would be hell. So what does that make this little small piece we experience now?
Friday, June 27, 2008
Lowering the standard for legalists
Once again, my perfectionistic mindset has wreaked havoc on my day. How can I possibly have God's favor when I keep committing the same sins over and over? There are times when I feel so strong, and other when I feel so weak. I've read enough from other people to realize that I probably have it backwards - when I feel strong, I'm probably most vulnerable. It just seems that I trip so easily on things when I feel weak. I guess it's really not right to say I feel weak. I don't feel anything in particular - except the desire I want to fulfill. It's only afterwards that the shame comes. But I trust the Lord when he says that when we ask forgiveness, he is faithful and true for His name's sake. And I marvel again ...
But I was thinking about my long history of perfectionism and legalism and wondered why it has such a strong hold on me. I don't think I am alone on this. In fact, being a rather black-or-white person, I tend to see myself as either living right or failing. And, in an absolute sense, that's true. But the gospel allows me to live a bit more in the gray - I have been forgiven, justified, and set upon a course of steady growth (of God's doing) called sanctification. I am not, praise God, what I once was. And I am not yet what I will be one day. I am somewhere in the gray zone between those two points. But for a long time, I oscillated between legalism (my "preferred" option) and saying it just doesn't matter how one lives - it's all by grace. Neither option was satisfying, but I saw no other option.
As my world regains "shades of gray" (not talking situational ethics, but rather transformation from the dark of night to day), I am on the lookout for things to help me with such struggles. One resource I found today is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/51/2916_Should_we_teach_that_good_works_come_with_saving_faith/
Here, Dr. Piper speaks of how many of us hear the gospel and hear that good works are an "inevitable" product of true faith, and conclude that it really is all about works after all.
I would add perhaps to it by saying that there are many of us, including some preachers, who deal with the same dilemma I found myself - am I "doing good" and therefore OK with God, or have I messed up again, throwing everything into question - including whether I am truly one of God's. Sometimes, I believe, we talk and think and act like God made it possible through Jesus to accept a "lower standard" of good works to make us right with Him. Now, we don't worry about the impossible things like complete purity of thought, motive, and deed - instead we institute new standards of our own making ... avoiding things like smoking, dancing, and playing cards, or doing things like attending every church function whenever the doors are open, ritual prayers, dressing a certain way, speaking in Christianese, and checking off our duties as we give, sing, and sit.
We are legalistic, just as much as those who claim to live up to the demands of the law. We're just "smart" legalists who recognize the futility of that and make up instead our own lists. But maybe we're worse off, for we "can" actually reach our made-up standards. What would it take to wake us up then?
But I was thinking about my long history of perfectionism and legalism and wondered why it has such a strong hold on me. I don't think I am alone on this. In fact, being a rather black-or-white person, I tend to see myself as either living right or failing. And, in an absolute sense, that's true. But the gospel allows me to live a bit more in the gray - I have been forgiven, justified, and set upon a course of steady growth (of God's doing) called sanctification. I am not, praise God, what I once was. And I am not yet what I will be one day. I am somewhere in the gray zone between those two points. But for a long time, I oscillated between legalism (my "preferred" option) and saying it just doesn't matter how one lives - it's all by grace. Neither option was satisfying, but I saw no other option.
As my world regains "shades of gray" (not talking situational ethics, but rather transformation from the dark of night to day), I am on the lookout for things to help me with such struggles. One resource I found today is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/51/2916_Should_we_teach_that_good_works_come_with_saving_faith/
Here, Dr. Piper speaks of how many of us hear the gospel and hear that good works are an "inevitable" product of true faith, and conclude that it really is all about works after all.
I would add perhaps to it by saying that there are many of us, including some preachers, who deal with the same dilemma I found myself - am I "doing good" and therefore OK with God, or have I messed up again, throwing everything into question - including whether I am truly one of God's. Sometimes, I believe, we talk and think and act like God made it possible through Jesus to accept a "lower standard" of good works to make us right with Him. Now, we don't worry about the impossible things like complete purity of thought, motive, and deed - instead we institute new standards of our own making ... avoiding things like smoking, dancing, and playing cards, or doing things like attending every church function whenever the doors are open, ritual prayers, dressing a certain way, speaking in Christianese, and checking off our duties as we give, sing, and sit.
We are legalistic, just as much as those who claim to live up to the demands of the law. We're just "smart" legalists who recognize the futility of that and make up instead our own lists. But maybe we're worse off, for we "can" actually reach our made-up standards. What would it take to wake us up then?
Monday, June 16, 2008
Time slips by ...
Wow, it's been almost two weeks since I last posted. I knew I did not post last week, as I was in California for a wedding ... Life continues to dissipate as a vapor ...
How do we mark time i such a way that we are more conscious of its passing? The sun rises and sets on one day so fast - how can we make ourselves realize the preciousness of these days without becoming obsessed or depressed with their passing? How do we number our days?
I am approaching middle age ... well, perhaps I am middle age, but close enough to its beginning that I can deny it a bit in my mind ... or maybe I'm still considered youth by others ... I don't know.
I do not know the day of my death, but I know who does. It could be today, tomorrow or 50 years from now. Worrying about it can not extend my life by a single minute, though I want to live long ... If I live to be 75, I will have lived 27,375 days - over half of which have already passed. 27 thousand days seems like a lot -enough in fact, to waste a few with little consequence. Yet 27 thousand dollars is not a ton of money today, and 27 thousand fans at a baseball game is not near capacity for most major league stadiums. 27 thousand grains of sand is probably much less than a bucketful, and 27 thousand seconds is 7.6 hours. Twenty-seven thousand days is not much time - especially when compared to eternity. In fact, compared to eternity, 27 thousand is less than the equivalent of one grain of sand to all the beaches in all the world. But during that grain of time, relationships are made, character is developed, and a destiny is reaped.
So, though two weeks slipped by like bathwater down a drain, important things happened. I went to California and interacted with family at a wedding, worshipped the Lord at a Church in Los Angeles, read books, enjoyed some attractions, and invested my time in my immediate family. I did not make the time to post, though much happened that caused me to reflect. The Lord is good to bring things in my life that cause me to see where my allegiances lie in "the moments" of life. There were times of joy, times of satisfaction, times when the opinions of others were to influential, and times when my desires ruled.
How much I need a savior to save me from myself - and to enlarge my life beyond the boundaries of "me!" My life is not bound to those 27,375 days (or whatever it actually turns out to be), but instead bound to the eternal God and Father through Christ, who gives meaning far beyond these years on earth. I am not what I do, I am not what I don't do - I am defined by my relationship to God. I am a "little Christ" by His grace - a fellow partaker of His nature, an adopted son, a member of His family. Time slips by - but I am in His hand ...
How do we mark time i such a way that we are more conscious of its passing? The sun rises and sets on one day so fast - how can we make ourselves realize the preciousness of these days without becoming obsessed or depressed with their passing? How do we number our days?
I am approaching middle age ... well, perhaps I am middle age, but close enough to its beginning that I can deny it a bit in my mind ... or maybe I'm still considered youth by others ... I don't know.
I do not know the day of my death, but I know who does. It could be today, tomorrow or 50 years from now. Worrying about it can not extend my life by a single minute, though I want to live long ... If I live to be 75, I will have lived 27,375 days - over half of which have already passed. 27 thousand days seems like a lot -enough in fact, to waste a few with little consequence. Yet 27 thousand dollars is not a ton of money today, and 27 thousand fans at a baseball game is not near capacity for most major league stadiums. 27 thousand grains of sand is probably much less than a bucketful, and 27 thousand seconds is 7.6 hours. Twenty-seven thousand days is not much time - especially when compared to eternity. In fact, compared to eternity, 27 thousand is less than the equivalent of one grain of sand to all the beaches in all the world. But during that grain of time, relationships are made, character is developed, and a destiny is reaped.
So, though two weeks slipped by like bathwater down a drain, important things happened. I went to California and interacted with family at a wedding, worshipped the Lord at a Church in Los Angeles, read books, enjoyed some attractions, and invested my time in my immediate family. I did not make the time to post, though much happened that caused me to reflect. The Lord is good to bring things in my life that cause me to see where my allegiances lie in "the moments" of life. There were times of joy, times of satisfaction, times when the opinions of others were to influential, and times when my desires ruled.
How much I need a savior to save me from myself - and to enlarge my life beyond the boundaries of "me!" My life is not bound to those 27,375 days (or whatever it actually turns out to be), but instead bound to the eternal God and Father through Christ, who gives meaning far beyond these years on earth. I am not what I do, I am not what I don't do - I am defined by my relationship to God. I am a "little Christ" by His grace - a fellow partaker of His nature, an adopted son, a member of His family. Time slips by - but I am in His hand ...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Why it is good to see the depth of our sin ...
The questions we ponder are vital because they represent where "the rubber meets the road" in our life. Good theology is essential, but unless you begin to process it and reflect on it, it adds little value to your life. I have been "chewing the cud" on the uglyness of my sin and the glory of our Savior and wanted to say a couple of things, primarily from my experience and the path God has brought me on thus far. So, here goes ....
It is good to focus on our sin
When we see that sin is so wretched and dark, and we see that it is in us, we long for the light freely given. When we understand the truth about ourselves, and then understand what God has done for us, there is no other response that is appropriate but love, gratefulness, humility, thankfulness, joy, peace, and awe. We will want to be patient with others as we understand how the Lord is patient with us. We will want to be kind because he has been kind. We will want to be gentle because he has been gentle with us. We will grow in self-control as the Spirit grows us to see what He has done on our behalf.
In short, it seems that to fail to note the depth of our sin and our struggle with it - and the depth of Christ's love and His victory over sin and death and His provision for the struggle - leaves us with a stunted capability of love for the Lord. In Luke 7, we see Jesus being anointed by a "sinful woman." The parable he tells points to the fact that those who have a greater debt cancelled, love the person who forgave the debt more. It's not so much that the "sinful woman"s sins were so much worse than the pharisees or ours, but that she knew how sinful she was. The Pharisees thought they were basically good people, not in desperate need of help - so they loved Jesus little. This woman knew she had no hope but Christ's mercy, so when he freely forgave her, her response was one of deep, unashamed love. And that seems like such a great place to be that it is worth struggling with the depth of our sin and the filthiness of our "righteousness" before God.
It is not just looking into the deep, dark stench of a well that our sin is, but that from within the well, we see the gloriousness of the rescue of our souls by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The darker the darkness, the more stunning the light is in comparison.
It is good to focus on our sin
- because we think more highly of ourselves than we ought
- because we don't understand the depth of our need of Christ
- because we tend to reduce our concept of sin to things we personally don't struggle with but see other do
- because we tend to trivialize sin to just the big, obvious sins of adultery, murder (abortion), or violence
- because we tend as a larger community to make up our own standards of sin - smoking, drinking, dancing, length of hair, wearing anything but a suit to church, having our kids in public school, no facial hair, not hunting animals, or failing to "do church" the way we prefer - that have little or nothing to do with the life God to which calls his people
- because we often become complacent in our "goodness" and slip into self-righteousness, looking down upon others
- because we need to know how hard the struggle against sin really is if we are going to help another person grow in Christ to overcome their tenacious sin
- it tends to kill pride
It is good, when we see the depth of our sin, to focus on Christ
- because we see our utterly helpless condition and His great love for us
- because we see that this is not just actions that can be blindly reconditioned, but goes to the very core of our being in what we treasure, long for, desire, and believe
- because He is our only hope
- because we must despair of our ability to stand before God as a "basically good person" and throw ourselves completely on the grace of Christ freely offered
- because we must see ourselves as unprofitable servants of the Most High, dependent on Him for the smallest ability to help another
- because sins, whether "respectable" or "despicable" still deserve the wrath of God for eternity
- because we must learn to love one another through our sins, deferring to one another, putting aside preferences, and considering others more than we consider ourselves
- because we dare not reduce the gospel to mere respectable behavior, but know the depth and Glory of it so that our exuberance for it is not contrived, but flows out of a truly grateful heart
- because God calls us to wage war on sin, and we do not have the strength for the battle in ourselves - but Christ does, and He lives in us
- because humility, being poor in spirit, being crushed, being contrite, being repentant, and being meek are traits that God values in people he aids
When we see that sin is so wretched and dark, and we see that it is in us, we long for the light freely given. When we understand the truth about ourselves, and then understand what God has done for us, there is no other response that is appropriate but love, gratefulness, humility, thankfulness, joy, peace, and awe. We will want to be patient with others as we understand how the Lord is patient with us. We will want to be kind because he has been kind. We will want to be gentle because he has been gentle with us. We will grow in self-control as the Spirit grows us to see what He has done on our behalf.
In short, it seems that to fail to note the depth of our sin and our struggle with it - and the depth of Christ's love and His victory over sin and death and His provision for the struggle - leaves us with a stunted capability of love for the Lord. In Luke 7, we see Jesus being anointed by a "sinful woman." The parable he tells points to the fact that those who have a greater debt cancelled, love the person who forgave the debt more. It's not so much that the "sinful woman"s sins were so much worse than the pharisees or ours, but that she knew how sinful she was. The Pharisees thought they were basically good people, not in desperate need of help - so they loved Jesus little. This woman knew she had no hope but Christ's mercy, so when he freely forgave her, her response was one of deep, unashamed love. And that seems like such a great place to be that it is worth struggling with the depth of our sin and the filthiness of our "righteousness" before God.
It is not just looking into the deep, dark stench of a well that our sin is, but that from within the well, we see the gloriousness of the rescue of our souls by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The darker the darkness, the more stunning the light is in comparison.
Monday, May 12, 2008
what I wanted ...
Again I return to the topic of wrestling as a reflection on my life. I loved wrestling - I still do, whenever I can get to a practice with a local team. There is something about it that is just great. Maybe it's because it's a sport that is ideal for my body type. Maybe it's because I achieved some limited early success. Maybe because it was a place that I felt some measure of belonging, and then found out that I was good at it.
But what I wanted more than anything, I think, was a coach who saw my potential, who believed in me, and who invested in me. I would have run through a brick wall for someone like that. Now, I'm really not knocking my high school or college coaches - they may have done everything someone could ask a coach to do. But, inside my head, I longed for someone to stick with me, to encourage me, to work with me, to invest in me, to get to know me and what motivated me and spur me on to whatever I could have been ... but perhaps I was the one in the wrong. I'm not sure anyone could have done what I was asking within my heart at that time. Oh, sure, perhaps I did have the talent to be a state placewinner or a collegiate conference champion, or perhaps not. We won't know any more than what I actually accomplished this side of eternity. I think though, that perhaps the issue was really that God-shaped hole in my soul that Pascal spoke of so many years ago. Perhaps what I really wanted was God. Something bigger than myself to define my life. Someone who cared about me, who believed in me, who would stick with me through everything to help me become what I was made to be...
So perhaps this longing in me was really the longing for God that God himself had awakened in me. And perhaps I was being idolatrous, thinking that a coach or success in a sport could fill the void that only God can. Perhaps even this sense of unfulfiled dreams I have today with respect to wrestling is a remnant in me of this idolatry. God has used this experience, though to remind me that only He truly satisfies. Yet, I chase after these other things, after other people who I think will help me "become all I can be." But only God knows what I was meant to be - and that is not primarily something grand I am called to do, but ultimately "just" to be His child. To resemble Him, to further His Kingdom, and to accomplish his goals. So that my life is bigger than just my life.
What I wanted, I thought, was someone who believed in me and knew how to get me to some ultimate goal. God didn't let me settle for that, though. He knows me and the plans he has for me, and because I'm His, he will never leave me nor forsake me, but take me to the place He designed me to be - at His feet, in His family. What I wanted amounted to a pile of rusted trinkets ...
But what I wanted more than anything, I think, was a coach who saw my potential, who believed in me, and who invested in me. I would have run through a brick wall for someone like that. Now, I'm really not knocking my high school or college coaches - they may have done everything someone could ask a coach to do. But, inside my head, I longed for someone to stick with me, to encourage me, to work with me, to invest in me, to get to know me and what motivated me and spur me on to whatever I could have been ... but perhaps I was the one in the wrong. I'm not sure anyone could have done what I was asking within my heart at that time. Oh, sure, perhaps I did have the talent to be a state placewinner or a collegiate conference champion, or perhaps not. We won't know any more than what I actually accomplished this side of eternity. I think though, that perhaps the issue was really that God-shaped hole in my soul that Pascal spoke of so many years ago. Perhaps what I really wanted was God. Something bigger than myself to define my life. Someone who cared about me, who believed in me, who would stick with me through everything to help me become what I was made to be...
So perhaps this longing in me was really the longing for God that God himself had awakened in me. And perhaps I was being idolatrous, thinking that a coach or success in a sport could fill the void that only God can. Perhaps even this sense of unfulfiled dreams I have today with respect to wrestling is a remnant in me of this idolatry. God has used this experience, though to remind me that only He truly satisfies. Yet, I chase after these other things, after other people who I think will help me "become all I can be." But only God knows what I was meant to be - and that is not primarily something grand I am called to do, but ultimately "just" to be His child. To resemble Him, to further His Kingdom, and to accomplish his goals. So that my life is bigger than just my life.
What I wanted, I thought, was someone who believed in me and knew how to get me to some ultimate goal. God didn't let me settle for that, though. He knows me and the plans he has for me, and because I'm His, he will never leave me nor forsake me, but take me to the place He designed me to be - at His feet, in His family. What I wanted amounted to a pile of rusted trinkets ...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
A glorious and dreadful day approaches ...
It's been a little while again since I posted. Life has been busy, to say the least. Tonight I have a meeting to coordinate, but I don't have much motivation to invest more time. It is hard to do that when people assume they know your motives - and often you only hear from the ones who assume the worst - and there is little hope of persuading them otherwise. I was actually approached by someone who said basically, "I know how these things work. Tell me the truth - isn't ____ really going on?"
Now, as much as I try to explain that ____ is truly not the case, they have it in their mind that I am taking some official stance. I don't know how to convince someone who is so suspicious - it seems like the only thing that would satisfy him was, "Yup, you're right" - but it simply is not true.
But far more disappointing is the lack of involvement of some people within the group. I am a firm believer in the concept of group wisdom, the concept of teamwork, and the concept of sharing the burdens according to giftedness rather than titles. But many people are not. When you don't agree on this fundamental level, what do you do? Do you break away and start another organization? Do you find another organization with those values? Or do you stay and fight for change from the inside?
What do you do? I would have given up a long time ago if it were not for the fact that I believe God has me here for a reason. I have started to think and pray about other opportunities, but until I believe it is God's will for me to move on, I feel like I must keep on persevering.
How do you deal with people who are not only not perfect, but downright unlikeable at times? I know I don't speak as an outsider, so I'm including myself. I guess what I would want is for people to talk with me (not at me) about their concerns, but do it in such a way that it is not draining on the energy with which I serve. It's tough to deal with nit-pickers - no matter how many times the quote "It's the little foxes that spoil ..." Especially when they come up with no new ideas themselves and don't have a clue to how they suck the air right out of a room. But what do you do when someone is unwilling to hear hard things, when someone is so convinced they're right that to criticize them is to have joined the enemy?
I'm so tired of people into power. I just read a disheartening article about one of the guys I liked to occasionally read about on the web. He apparently has switched course and rejects the idea of a multiplicity of counselors - to oppose him is to be fired. Lord, what a mess we are making of your church. Please change us so that we stop devouring each other. We think too highly of ourselves and we forget we arfe servants, not kings. Woe to us if we think and act otherwise ...
Someday, when all the thoughts and motives are laid bare, what shame we will have for how our hearts chased after other things besides you. All praise to you, though, that we are not accepted by you on the basis of works, but on the faith we have in your Son ...
What a glorious and dreadful day that will be!
Now, as much as I try to explain that ____ is truly not the case, they have it in their mind that I am taking some official stance. I don't know how to convince someone who is so suspicious - it seems like the only thing that would satisfy him was, "Yup, you're right" - but it simply is not true.
But far more disappointing is the lack of involvement of some people within the group. I am a firm believer in the concept of group wisdom, the concept of teamwork, and the concept of sharing the burdens according to giftedness rather than titles. But many people are not. When you don't agree on this fundamental level, what do you do? Do you break away and start another organization? Do you find another organization with those values? Or do you stay and fight for change from the inside?
What do you do? I would have given up a long time ago if it were not for the fact that I believe God has me here for a reason. I have started to think and pray about other opportunities, but until I believe it is God's will for me to move on, I feel like I must keep on persevering.
How do you deal with people who are not only not perfect, but downright unlikeable at times? I know I don't speak as an outsider, so I'm including myself. I guess what I would want is for people to talk with me (not at me) about their concerns, but do it in such a way that it is not draining on the energy with which I serve. It's tough to deal with nit-pickers - no matter how many times the quote "It's the little foxes that spoil ..." Especially when they come up with no new ideas themselves and don't have a clue to how they suck the air right out of a room. But what do you do when someone is unwilling to hear hard things, when someone is so convinced they're right that to criticize them is to have joined the enemy?
I'm so tired of people into power. I just read a disheartening article about one of the guys I liked to occasionally read about on the web. He apparently has switched course and rejects the idea of a multiplicity of counselors - to oppose him is to be fired. Lord, what a mess we are making of your church. Please change us so that we stop devouring each other. We think too highly of ourselves and we forget we arfe servants, not kings. Woe to us if we think and act otherwise ...
Someday, when all the thoughts and motives are laid bare, what shame we will have for how our hearts chased after other things besides you. All praise to you, though, that we are not accepted by you on the basis of works, but on the faith we have in your Son ...
What a glorious and dreadful day that will be!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Despair
I don't want to trivialize anyone whose despair dwarfs my own, but sometimes I feel like I am in a deep hole seeing no way out. Often, after the fact, I realize that it was just a tire track in the mud that I had crawled head first into. Why do I do it? At one level, I don't know. But at another level, I think I do it because I doubt God's loving care for me. I find myself on that horrendous treadmill that thinks that I'm only worth accepting and loving when I perform well, or when I at least do "what I'm supposed to ..." It's a terrible place, really, because you know you never measure up to your own standards or someone else's - let alone God's. I was in that place yesterday, dealing with an issue. All I could see was "doom and gloom" and a rejection of me and my efforts to minister. The worst part was that I could not completely sort out my own motives, so I couldn't even console myself with the fact that I am trying to do the right thing. I had even joked to a friend that it was time for me to move on.
I even ... I hate to admit this ... I even ... began to question God's goodness and love. I wondered why he was not fixing this situation so that we could move on to other more important issues. But here we stood. I began to rehearse what I would say and how I would say it - not because I want to be disingenuous, but because I knew that my heart might back off in the heat of the moment. I found myself looking back at "all I had sacrificed" for this particular group and wondering if it was all for naught. I could not see God at work and I wondered what he was doing. Nevertheless, for lots of reasons, I decided on a course of action ...
And then something surprising, wonderful and convicting happened. God took care of the situation in one night, without my help, without my input, without my efforts, without my involvement at all. What a truly humbling moment for me. And, of course, now I feel shame for doubting and wondering what God was doing. But Christ's sacrifice is greater than ALL my shame - this one too. So, now, as I ponder this, I see once again that God is more faithful, more loving, and more timely than I understand. And it appears that the situation is worked out for all parties involved - something I would have considered impossible just 24 hours ago! God is truly above me in every way to an infinite degree, his thoughts above my own and his way higher than my way - which, though obvious, sometimes leaves my consciousness far too often ...
So, perhaps next time, when I am tempted to despair because I lack trust in God's love or character, or because I think things have to be done my way and in my timing, or because I can't see what God is doing, perhaps I'll remember this moment when God made His activities known to me in a small way. And perhaps, just maybe, I'll remember
I even ... I hate to admit this ... I even ... began to question God's goodness and love. I wondered why he was not fixing this situation so that we could move on to other more important issues. But here we stood. I began to rehearse what I would say and how I would say it - not because I want to be disingenuous, but because I knew that my heart might back off in the heat of the moment. I found myself looking back at "all I had sacrificed" for this particular group and wondering if it was all for naught. I could not see God at work and I wondered what he was doing. Nevertheless, for lots of reasons, I decided on a course of action ...
And then something surprising, wonderful and convicting happened. God took care of the situation in one night, without my help, without my input, without my efforts, without my involvement at all. What a truly humbling moment for me. And, of course, now I feel shame for doubting and wondering what God was doing. But Christ's sacrifice is greater than ALL my shame - this one too. So, now, as I ponder this, I see once again that God is more faithful, more loving, and more timely than I understand. And it appears that the situation is worked out for all parties involved - something I would have considered impossible just 24 hours ago! God is truly above me in every way to an infinite degree, his thoughts above my own and his way higher than my way - which, though obvious, sometimes leaves my consciousness far too often ...
So, perhaps next time, when I am tempted to despair because I lack trust in God's love or character, or because I think things have to be done my way and in my timing, or because I can't see what God is doing, perhaps I'll remember this moment when God made His activities known to me in a small way. And perhaps, just maybe, I'll remember
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