Is Happiness the Goal?

Sometimes we think the goal of life is happiness. After all, who doesn’t want to be happy? But this world is broken because of sin and we know that things happen that make us unhappy – the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, moody teenagers, a seemingly destructive national decision that we often feel powerless to affect, or even something as small as stubbing our toe as we walk outside on a beautiful spring day. We seem to naturally think that life should go well for us, and we get confused when it doesn’t. Sometimes, we blame God – we think that since we try to serve him that he should make everything in our lives work out well. We hold up our righteousness to him – the good things we have done – and say essentially, “Am I not owed a good life because of all this?” It does not help that our culture and sometimes even our churches feed into these notions. I’ve heard non-Christians use the principle of “karma” to try to explain such things, but is that the answer – a non-personal universe that keeps score and levels the playing field with no mercy? Yet Christians often unknowingly make the same connections – you did this and now that is happening to you. The Bible presents a very different picture about our God and the world he has created.

You life is not just about your life. Your life is a scene in the Grand Play – God’s Story. Your life has meaning and purpose that is far beyond the bounds of the dash between your birth and death on a tombstone. What happens to us and how we react – what we run to – is of eternal importance. God wants to do more than just enter your story and make everything work out the way you think it should. God is not an errand boy who makes our agenda come to pass, but is instead the Grand Playwright, the Great Director, and the Master Storyteller. He has a destiny for you that is far bigger and better than your own dreams and desires. We are also a part of the story that involves the others around us – the play is not our own monologue, but a vast array of characters far beyond our view. God is the Great Redeemer, and we are the recipients of the Great Redemption. His redemptive work has an end goal far better than our mere happiness in seeing our dreams come to pass. His redemptive goal is that we each one day will be like Jesus – that when we stand before Him face to face, we will be like Him. At that time, all of our tears will be wiped away, all of our striving will cease, death and sickness will be no more – and that will be true happiness in the fullest sense of the word! That destiny is guaranteed for all believers because of what Christ has accomplished, and not because of our own performance. So, in the fullest way, happiness will one day be the glorious by-product of being like Jesus, and you will be happier than you can now imagine.

But right now, we are in the midst of our scene. The play is not over. The end of the story has been written and the outcome is secure – but it is not here yet. In the midst of this play, there is much conflict, war, and bloodshed. The enemy is raging, wanting to destroy as much as possible before his time comes. There are still casualties. Death, decay, and discord are a part of this life because we rebelled against a Loving and Holy God. But this same God who rightfully could pour down his wrath upon us all and sweep us away in a moment, chooses to enter our lives, redeem us and fight for us! He will never leave us nor forsake us for His Own Name’s sake! When the play is over, we will marvel at the depth of His love, His mercy, His patience, His justice, and His wrath. He will be known more fully because of the story, and we will praise Him all the more!

What does this mean for us in the midst of life, and specifically our marriages? It means that God has a plan far more complete and complex than you can imagine. The experiences and situations of your life are not random events, and they are not merely the events of an out-of-control world. This is Holy Ground and must not be taken lightly, for this means even our sufferings are for our ultimate good and for His praise! God does what is necessary to show us what our hearts value more than Him, to show us what we cling to besides Him in moments of trouble. We certainly do not want to think we can explain why someone went through some horrible form of suffering, but in the midst of our confusion, we can cling to the fact that nothing enters our life that catches God by surprise. Nothing enters our life that is not first filtered through his nail-pierced hands. The play is his, and we are actors in a scene. It will, one day, make sense. We must trust Him – trust His Heart that willingly died for you!

So, is God’s goal in our lives happiness? Not the way most people mean it. Most people want God to make their dreams, their vision of their life come true. But our story will climax in His story, and at that point we will have happiness beyond compare. Here, in the midst of the story, we are called to suffer – to suffer like Jesus, to identify him, and to pick up our cross. God has given you the spouse you have for a reason, and that reason is to make you more like Christ. The difficulties, arguments, and seeming incompatibility are there because you have (at least) 2 sinners living under the same roof, each with their own version of the play. God wants you to relinquish the rewrite, and trust that his version is the one that leads to true eternal happiness. Be willing to step back in the heated moments and say “just what is my heart craving in this moment?” and “what does it look like to live in faith in this moment?” It will take time to break old patterns and ways of thinking – but you have the same power working within you that raised Christ from the dead!

In the end, we need to spend more time pondering God’s self-revelation. Job knew nothing about the divine drama going on that caused him to lose everything earthly. He suffered greatly, yet never knew why. Jesus was the one person who ever lived who truly did, thought, and felt exactly what God wanted him to in every moment in life – yet it was God’s will to crush Him for our rebellion! If anyone ever deserved a “happy” life, was it not Jesus? Yet his life was full of suffering. The author of Hebrews tells us: “In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered.” Jesus “was made perfect” or complete through suffering - and we are made like Him when we suffer. We are called to “Love God” and “Love Neighbor” and even to “love our enemies.” And sometimes, in those heated moments (and maybe more often than that) our spouse can act like our enemy. We are called to choose the way of suffering and love them anyway …

A few verses on suffering: Romans 5:3, Romans 8:17, Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 1:5, Philippians 1:29-30, Philippians 3:10, Colossians 1:24, 1 Thessalonians 5:9, 2 Thessalonians 1:5, 2 Timothy 1:8, Hebrews 2:9-10,18, Hebrews 5:8, Hebrews 13:12

Taking Greek ...

I have just finished the second of three semesters of Greek I need to take for this degree I am pursuing. After I finish Greek, it's on to Hebrew. It is a lot more difficult than I expected - the pace is extremely fast, and the amount of memorization can seem overwhelming at times. Yet, I am now able to begin to piece together the NT text in the Greek ... and it is quite rewarding! No longer must I depend solely on someone else's translation work, though I am certainly not as skilled as they are in the art of translation. I can now use some of the tools I have (like the Expositor's Commentary) to a fuller degree. At the same time, I realize that although it is really cool to be able to read Greek, most of the people I minister to will get little out of the Greek I might use in a class... the analogy I heard that sticks with me is that learning Greek and Hebrew is akin to the pots and pans a chef uses to prepare a meal: they are absolutely critical to a well-cooked meal, but they are rarely seen by the guests. It's a lot of work to put into something that may not be appreciated by others often, but I pray that it makes me a more effective communicator ...

Book Review: Ministering to the Mourning by Warren and David Wiersbe

Ministering to the Mourning
by Warren and David Wiersbe

Outstanding Book! Absolutely recommended for everyone - but especially for those who minister to others (pastors, elders, care givers)! Tough topics, but warmhearted compassionate biblical advice.

Book Review: Leadership Next by Eddie Gibbs

There were some parts of the book I liked - for instance, the movement towards a shared leadership framework. However, like most "Emerging Church" leaders, he shows too much disdain for the church of the present and the past and thinks, like many others, that his generation will finally *get it right.* I'd like to see him do a review of this book 25 years from now - but of course, that doesn't help his readers today. Worthwhile for some insights and approaches, but I wouldn't recommend it to a non-critical reader.

Summer Reading Plan

Here's my summer reading plan:

Galatians (8 times)
Romans
Psalms 1-12
Psalms 138-150
Exodus 20-33

The Expositor's Greek NT Commentary: Galatians
Galatians (MacArthur)
Galatians (Ramsay)
Galatians (Calvin)
Galatians (Ryken)
Galatians (Bible Knowledge Commentary)
Galatians (Wiersbe)
Galatians (Matthew Henry)

Sections on Justification in Chafer, Hodge, Grudem, Tennet
Sections on Sanctification in Chafer, Hodge, Grudem, Tennet
Sections on Just./Sanct. by Edwards, Van Til, Warfield

The Justification of God (Piper)
NT Wright and Piper
Sproul on Faith alone
Just./Sanct. in Paul:An Outline of His Theology (Ridderbos)

Whiter than Snow (Tripp)
The Reason for God (Keller)
Lost in the Middle (Tripp)
A tale of two sons (MacArthur)
The Prodigal God (Keller)
A Quest for More (Tripp)
Step by Step (Petty)
War of Words (Tripp)
Future Grace (Piper)
When People are Big and God is small (Welch)
Let the Nations Be Glad (Piper)
The Dispensational/Covenental Rift (Mangum)
Speaking Truth in Love (Powlison)
The Death of Death in the Death of Christ (Owen)
Seeing with New Eyes (Powlison)
Depression: A stubborn darkness (Welch)

Maybe overly ambitious ... we'll see

Review - Death By Love (Mark Driscoll)

The twelve chapters of this book are unique, hard-hitting application of 12 theological truths of Christ's identity and what he accomplished on our behalf, written as letters to members of his congregation. Mark pulls no punches, both in describing sin's ugliness and God's gracious and radical solution in Christ.

I resonate with this book, I think, mostly because it is not sterile. It does not clean up stories, sugar coat the diagnosis or walk the politically correct church line. Therefore, I believe it will actually help many people. It rings of truth in situations to me the way God's Word does - not the sanitized biographies we read in today's Christian culture. God didn't hide the warts and ugliness of life in general or of his saints in particular - including the ones we hold up as heroes of the faith. We do a great disservice to everyone when we sanitize life.

On the other hand, I'm sure if every book was written in this style, we would quickly become desensitized to it - as we do with TV, movies and other parts of our culture. This book serves an important place in my library and it is one of my favorite books, but it is not for everyone. It should be, in my opinion - but not everyone is ready for it. It is a must-read for mature Christians and those who give simplistic answers to life's tough questions. The fact that it does so well what it does while "teaching" theology warms my heart and makes me wonder if there really is hope after all for the American church.

Review - Death By Love (Mark Driscoll)

Table of Contents:

Introduction: "We killed God:Jesus is Our Substitutionary Atonement

Ch 1: "Demons Are Tormenting Me" - Jesus is Katie's Christus Victor
Ch 2: "Lust Is My God" - Jesus is Thomas' Redemption
Ch 3: "My Wife Slept with My Friend" - Jesus is Luke's New Covenant Sacrifice
Ch 4: "I Am a 'Good' Christian" - Jesus is David's Gift Righteousness
Ch 5: "I Molested a Child" - Jesus is John's Justification
Ch 6: "My Dad Used to Beat Me" - Jesus is Bill's Propitiation
Ch 7: "He Raped Me" - Jesus is Mary's Expiation
Ch 8: "My Daddy Is a Pastor" - Jesus is Gideon's Unlimited Limited Atonement
Ch 9: "I Am Going to Hell" - Jesus is Hank's Ransom
Ch 10: "My Wife Has a Brain Tumor" - Jesus is Caleb's Christus Exemplar
Ch 11: "I Hate My Brother" - Jesus is Kurt's Reconciliation
Ch 12: "I Want to Know God" - Jesus is Susan's Revelation

How do you help someone?

How do you help someone who won't let you in? Who won't even talk to you? I have a friend in the middle of an adulterous affair. He's lost his job and has isolated himself from people that care for him. His children are angry, and his wife has been betrayed. How do you speak into situations such as these?



I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.



We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...


And so, we can pray for my friend.

What else can we do?



We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.



We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.

Writing out prayers, part 2

I decided to post the text of my prayer for some context. I wrote this for use on Memorial Day, 2008 (someone else preached)

Sermon text: Matthew 22:34-40

“Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

______________________________

Thanksgiving
(Ad-lib about Memorial Day and those veterans who have sacrificed and are sacrificing for our freedoms and our country.)

Praise
Psalm 77 – READ

Confession
Forgive us for trivializing sin – not just that we take known sin lightly in our own lives, but that we have failed to see the depth of our sin. For you who said “Do not murder” told us that to hate in your heart is murder. You who said “do not commit adultery” said that lust in one’s heart is adultery. Sin is not just the things we do and the things we don’t do, but it permeates the very thoughts of our hearts, the desires and motives we have. We lower the bar only for ourselves, yet judge others swiftly. We point at “them” and thank you that we are not like they are – just like the Pharisee did as he looked down at the tax collector. We speak “Christianese” and eat Christian cookies and wear Christian underwear and huddle together, sheltered from the world - but we miss your heart by a mile! Father, too often we are like those you condemned as “whitewashed tombs” – looking good on the outside but full of dead men’s bones! We have allowed style to become a substitute for substance. Lord, forgive us of our cultural Christianity that only allows those who are like us to find a place at our table, where we fear those who are different and those who do not do everything the way we prefer. If you died to redeem someone, who are we to say that we do not want these “new people” to come in and change “our church?” Forgive us, Father of so much pride and hate towards others.

Father, we have failed to love you as we ought. We have allowed other things to come before you. We have allowed even church activities to become a substitute for you. We do not lift you up to one another in your splendor and Glory that we might gaze upon you – instead, we bark rules at one another, quick to point out to others where they fail. We devour one another and shoot our own wounded and let Satan roar in laughter at the way we relate to one another. Perhaps worse yet, because we reduce the relationship we have with you to just duty, obedience and rules, others do not see you as the Supreme Treasure of our lives that you should be! There is no reason in us that we should be yours!
Father, without your action on our behalf, we would truly be without hope, waiting only for your Holy, Righteous and True Wrath. Forgive us Father. Give us hearts that long for you above all else, and hearts that are responsive to your Spirit. Help us not to judge one another according to our standards and the way we think things should be. We are your people, the sheep of your pasture and this is your church.

Supplication
You know our needs – there is nothing we can tell you or even think that you don’t already know. But you tell us to bring our concerns to you and lay them at your feet. We trust you – help us to grow in our trust. Your answer is always best. We are hurting Lord, sometimes even by our own hand …
Perhaps there is a man or woman here today who told their spouse they no longer love them
Perhaps there is a mother with a child that has shut her out of their life
Perhaps there is a man who just doesn’t know what to do next and death is beginning to look like a good thing
Perhaps there are others with private pain but who put on masks of smiles to come to church who long for someone with answers to their questions – or maybe just someone who cares enough to listen
Others are out of work. Still others are battling potentially fatal diseases. Many of us have relatives who do not know you, and our hearts weep in agony at what awaits them if they do not come to you.
Lord, I know each person here needs you. I need you. Not the caricature we build of you – the safe and easy God who serves our dreams - but you in fullness and reality. You are the only hope for the unloved spouse, for the shut-out mother, for the man in despair, for those with private pain, and for everyone. You are the only hope for the unloving spouse, the unloving daughter, and for those who hurt others. And you are my only hope.
We ask you to watch over our graduates. Draw them to yourself. Help them to see past our hypocrisy and shortcomings to see you for who you are – and that they might fall in love with you above all else! Let our graduates see you in such a way as to make everything else this world has to offer seem like rubbish in comparison. Let Sarah, Trisha, Michael, Tim, Abby, Brendan, Phillip, Erica, Katie, Craig, and Nikki all treasure you above all else – that they may follow you all the days of their lives.
This list of our concerns is long – but you know every detail of every situation. You never sleep, get busy, get tired, or have something better to do, but somehow you are able to give full attention to the millions of prayers being prayed this morning. We do not pray to give you new information, nor to bend you to our will. We do not pray to you as a vending machine, nor do we pray in a certain way - dotting our I’s and crossing our T’s - in order to earn your answer to us. No, we come to you as a beloved child sitting in his daddy’s lap, perhaps all muddy from playing outside, yet loved all the same. This is about Your Glory, Your Kingdom, and Your Name. Hear us O Lord, not because we are good, but only because we are yours! Answer us as you see fit not for our will to be done or our name to be made great, but for your will to be done and Your Name to made Great through all time! Yours is the Kingdom! Yours is the Power! Yours is the Glory, forever and ever, AMEN!

Writing out prayers ...

This weekend, I was asked to lead my church during the morning services in prayer. I was asked to do this on Friday, so I did not have much time to think about it. I have struggled with fear of man issues for a very long time - though God is changing me for the better in a noticeable way - and talking or praying in front of a group brings out the strongest fear.

There have been three primary ways I have dealt with this. First, I have a friend who is relentlessly reminding me of the gospel, re-centering me on the fact that my relationship with God is not based on performance, but on what Christ has already done. If I am His through faith, then there is now no condemnation for me in Christ and I do not need to fear losing the relationship I have with Him. So, because of what Christ has done, I am loved and secure in that love.

Second, I have focused on God's "evaluation" of me, in contrast to man's. While related to the first, it is slightly different in focus. Whenever I get so focused on what a person or a group of individuals think of me, I try to remember that God is so much bigger than they are and that he is the only one who can cast into hell or bring into heaven. I need to care far more what he thinks of me - to the point where, although I am not unconcerned with others, I focus truly on an audience of one. His evaluation of me is the only one that really matters - especially in any type of eternal state. And, because of what Christ has already accomplished, God is quite pleased with me (and all who are in Christ). Now, that does not mean that there is never some "fatherly displeasure" or discipline in my life - any loving father who cares about their child would do so. But it is not the relationship-severing or bullying that sometimes occurs in human relationships. So, because I am part of God's family, where he is the Only True Father, I do what I do for His fatherly pleasure.

Third, I find that if I take my time before I have to speak and write out what I want to say, it not only organizes my thoughts and gives me time to think of how I want to say what I want to say, but it gives me a bit of a safety net. If I become afraid or nervous to the point of being somewhat paralyzed, I have a text in front of me to help me. While I wish this weren't necessary, at this stage of my "recovery," it is an invaluable aid to getting me up there in front of people. So this is a bit of a crutch, I admit it. I hope to one day outgrow it. But I also know that God works in my weakness, and if I were able to stand up with no fear, I would be greatly tempted to take pride in my "great oral skills." It is humbling to have people take exception to the fact that I read things - even things I write myself and are from my heart ... and perhaps that's just what I need at this point.

Which brings me to the prayer I prayed yesterday. I knew the section of scripture that would be preached on, as well as a couple of the main points. I also wanted to use a psalm as the starting point for the prayer. So, meditating on Psalm 77 and the text from Matthew 22, I came up with a prayer that was from my heart, a prayer that addressed in general terms the hurts and needs that are out there in virtually any congregation of any size. I spent time praising God, confessing broad and specific corporate and individual sins, thanking God specifically for those who served our country and those who gave their lives doing so (as it is Memorial Day weekend), and asking God to provide for the true, deep needs of the congregation. These were my words (though I'm sure most of the ideas are common among the many books I read and sermons I listen to) that I spent more than 3 hours preparing. But I read about two-thirds of my prayer. I had some extemporaneous spots throughout, but I wanted to be sure to say certain things in certain ways. Because of my fear-of-man struggles, I do not presume to think that my own motives were absolutely pure, but I think I am being truly honest when I say that I was not trying to impress people as much as pour my heart out to God and lead this group in a prayer that would reflect their heart to God as well. This was not so much about me looking good (though who wants to look bad?) as much as, I hope, about lifting God before the congregation, and lifting the congregation up to God.

After I finished, I wondered what people thought. But again, as I thought about my own pride and my own desire to have people like me, I thought it was "dangerous" for me to ask anyone. I wanted to be content that I did this for the Lord, and that His evaluation of me would be right and true, just and merciful. There were a number of people who came up to me and said that the appreciated the length of my prayer, the focus of my prayer, and the way that I said things. I find that I almost fear such compliments, since I do not want to feed my pride - but it did feel good to receive these, and I wanted to receive graciously what people went out of their way to offer.

But. There was one guy who had a huge issue with me reading my prayer. He didn't of course come to me about it, but spoke with someone else, who relayed the conversation to me (in the course of a general conversation we had - he didn't like, run over to me and say, "Ooooh, guess what ..."). This one comment unfortunately outweighed the dozens of positive comments - in my mind at least. There it is again - the perfectionism, the pride, the fear of man, the wanting everyone to be pleased with me. Forgive me Father for putting this person and these people above you in my heart - even if just for a moment. My wife is good for me - she is truly God's gift to me - and we joked about my pride and "OCD" tendencies. But this one comment sticks with me far more than the others - and that is wrong. Some people gave me beautiful comments, and I know the Lord has made me whatever I am - I can take no credit, except for my sin. Why can't I just enjoy the comments equally with the criticism, both on a level far below what God thinks of me? Why do I have this issue with pride, with fear of man, with wanting everyone to think well of me? I am such a sinner in need of so much grace! I am glad that God is not done with me yet.

So, I don't know if it is wrong or not to write out a prayer and read it. but I tend to think it is not. The Bible is full of written documents - including prayers - that are no less heartfelt because they were written. I wrote this out in my own words, and I think it better reflected my heart than the spur-of-the-moment extemporaneous prayers I do. I would love to be able to come up with such on the spot," but it's not like I write everything out. I thought it was appropriate given my shortcomings and the setting in which I was praying. I am sorry if I offended this man or any others - that was certainly not my intent. But, if I am doing this for an audience of one, I must let go of the criticism - and the compliments as well - not callously, but submitting who I am and what I do to the Only True and Righteous Judge. Who is also My Redeemer, My Father, and My God.

How much faith?

How much faith is enough? Is it even right to "quantify faith," or to question the level of faith of another? What exactly is faith?

These are some of the questions I find myself wondering about as I ponder faith and what other people tell me I should have. The way that some people speak about faith, it is some mystical experience that no one can fully describe - but everyone should have. I have seen people who I thought had great faith wither when they actually had to put it into action and others - others who I might have thought frail, suddenly stand ...

I think my understanding of faith is best summed up by the word trust. Perhaps the phrase "trust in action" is better. To have faith in something is to be willing to trust it. I can trust the bridge I go across, the plane I fly in, and the boat I'm in to cross the water. I put my weight on it, my safety in "its hands." It's not just belief, but a belief that causes a reaction in me. If I am on a train track and you tell me that a train is coming, if I truly believe you, I will move (assuming I am of sound mind and want to live). If a stranger tells me this, I may want some confirmation, but if my friend tells me this, I'll believe them on the basis of our relationship. So to have faith in Christ, but not have your life change or not care about what he says or the things he cares about seems to me to be a spurious faith. On the other hand, scripture tells us that "If you confess with your mouth that Christ is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you shall be saved." So I don't want to add anything beyond what scripture tells us. I just think that if you believe like this, your life will change ...

But how much faith do we need? Jesus told us that "faith as small as a mustard seed" could remove mountains. To me, that seems like he is saying that we should not get hung up about the amount of faith one has - the smallest amount is "effective." But it's got to be faith in the right thing. Small faith in Christ moves mountains. Great faith in a falsehood does nothing ultimately of value.

Some people seem to value "faith in faith." This is most easily seen when people start talking about"having enough faith," or urging someone to have more faith in order to get their heart's desire. This seems to come out of the same family as positive thinking - if you just think the right things or believe it enough, your dream will come true ...

I believe in god's absolute sovereignty, and therefore don't believe that we change his plans by our performance - whether we pray enough, etc. And yet, God works through means. He has ordained that he will accomplish his will through the prayers of his people. So, when we pray, things are actually getting accomplished - not through some mystical connection of power between our prayers and the situation, but through the direct, ordained means of God answering His people's prayers in order to accomplish his will.

And yet, we are tole "You have not, because you ask not." So there does seem to be a connection between our prayers and what happens. We all know the man who said "I believe. Help my unbelief." So we are a mixture of belief and unbelief - of trust in Christ and trust in ourselves ...
Jesus rebuked the disciples when they were "men of little faith." So, there is apparently a real sense in which our faith comes in "quantities." And yet, it doesn't take much faith to move mountains ...

I don't know where this is heading for me, but right now, I really question the use of guilt to motivate people to a) have more faith and b) have more faith in our plans so that God might fulfill our desires.

All this to say that I think if we have any faith in Christ, it is enough. Yet we are to grow in faith and knowledge. We are not coming to God, mustering up our faith in faith to get we want from the divine vending machine to spend on our desires and lusts. I would love to have pure motives, to want His will to be done, for that is always best. I'd rather not have a
God who bent his will to mine - I should not be in charge of the universe. I'd mess it up in a second. I can't even get my life straight ... Thanh you, Lord, that you say no to many of our prayers ... give us a clearer vision of you that our trust might increase as we travel through life ... for your name's sake.

To move or not to move ...

It seems that my wife and I go through this struggle every year. We live in the northeast, in an area where housing is high and salaries are not quite so high ... we have had offers to move to other states where our income would be literally 3, 4 and 5 times what we make here. I struggle with this in particular because it is hard to balance family issues. My family has been in this immediate area for almost 30 years, in the general area for generations. My wife's family has been where they are for close to 20 years - but it's nine hours away.

I have been considering going back to school, and the place I think I should go is 50 miles from where we are now - something I could do on a part-time basis. I'm not a big fan of distance learning (though I understand others don't share my view). There's something about sitting in a classroom, being able to interact with the teacher and other students easily - and face-to-face. I still take notes with paper and a pen - though I try to type them into my computer as part of my review process.

I have always struggled with change, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is a control issue. Perhaps it's because I seem to be an introvert, and it takes a lot of effort to meet new people. Sometimes, I wish God would spell out his will on a billboard for me, but I'm not sure that's the answer, either. People saw Jesus do miraculous things, yet not all believed. There is more to believing than just seeing ...

I have read a number of books on "finding God's will." One is intriguingly titled "Finding God's Will: A pagan notion?" Are we seeking a mystical answer to something God has provided other means to discover? Does it make any sense to seek the "secret will" of God to find out where I should be? Is God playing a cat and mouse game with me and the "right" path I should take? Other books have an n-step plan to finding God's will - while others urge you to look at open doors. Still others tell you to pray until you're sure you know God's will, while others tell you to "just move somewhere" because a vehicle in motion is easier to turn than a static one ... It seems to me that there is much confusion and little clarity offered in finding God's will. And it seems to cause much anxiety ... have I missed God's best? have I blown it?

Few of these options seem like they take into account our relationship with God - that we are his beloved, adopted children, whom he is shaping into "little Christ's." I believe in God's absolute sovereignty (how it exactly works can be tricky for sure), and I believe that "all things work together for those who love God." Therefore, whatever is in my life right now is there by His sovereign will, that the circumstances of my life are arranged to get me from where I am to where he wants me to be. Nothing comes into my life that does not first pass through His loving, nail-pierced hands. That includes the stuff I'd rather not go through. Jesus calls his people to suffer, and to do so willingly. He calls us to die - to die to ourselves, surely, but also to let go of our physical life if he calls us to. I'd rather not go through pain and loss and suffering - but if he is with me, there's no other place to be.

So, I know that God is sovereign. I know that he will never leave me, nor forsake me for His name's sake - not because I'm such a good follower. I'm not. I stumble and stray constantly. I know that because of Christ, he has removed my sin from me as far as the East is from the West, that there is no condemnation for me in Christ. I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He knows my frailties, my confusion, my wandering heart, and my blindness. But he sticks with me.

So, as I look at the circumstances of life, I wonder. I see opportunities here that I may not have elsewhere. I see good that is being done where I minister (although my judgment may not be true). I have no real desire to move, and no real picture of what I would do elsewhere. My wife is not sure either. There are benefits and drawbacks to all the situations we have considered. Our kids will adjust to most options well, though being away from all family would be tough for them. I see many doors potentially open, nothing that "gives me peace," nothing that comes clearly in prayer. Maybe it's me. But I know that God is guiding my life - and the life of my family - for all our good. He is trustworthy. I don't need to see anything but the next step.

Lord, I trust your sovereignty. Help my unbelief! Show me what I need to do today - and let tomorrow take care of itself.

To move or not to move - that's not the question ...

So, how'd it go?

God is good. Amazingly good.

I was a little stiff in my presentation - a little fear of man mixed in with some doubts of the unknown. I don't want to come across that way, but I often do. I tend to script exactly what I want to say, sometimes putting in hours being precise in my thought and language. It's probably an issue of control and pride. No one wants to look bad, and I certainly don't want to mess up. Someday, maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to do things on the fly ... or at least only have an outline as opposed to a script!

I have a friend who has shared with me that he wishes that my personality in one-on-one situations was able to more clearly shine through when I am in front of a larger group. So do I. I fear the critiques that come from people, well-meaning for the most part. I wish I didn't. I wish, like one of my favorite teachers says, that I was more concerned with what God thinks than what you (the crowd) think. But I'm better than I was and God has promised to stick with me - not because I'm so good, but because I'm His. I don't want to disregard others, but I don't want them to become my functional God.

We had a couple of items I expected to generate many comments and even some heated discussion. Amazingly, there was none. No questions on the issues I was concerned about. Now, I have no idea why that is, and I can't even begin to speculate. It would be nice to think that information was truly sufficient to cover everyone's questions and concerns. But I doubt it. I hope people feel like they can raise questions and give comments. I can't read minds and I don't want to expend so much energy trying to figure out what may have been the reason. I will have to trust that the Lord will show me what He wants me to know when He wants me to know it.

It was rather amazing in that I thought the meeting was at least two hours. Somehow it was barely one. That probably speaks to my heightened concern in the midst of the meeting. Someday, by God's grace, maybe these kinds of meetings will be enjoyable ... but I'm not there yet ...

Doubt, fear, and the what if ...

I have the privilege to run a meeting tonight. There will be anywhere from 100-200 people there, representing many more. I'm not the only one presenting, nor am I even the primary presenter. But we have a couple of issues that have generated what seems like a great number of comments - and I have no idea what direction the meeting will take.

Inside, I have that nervous energy similar to before a wrestling match. It's a familiar feeling, and one probably most associated with putting yourself out there for all to see - and critique. And some critiques are not kind. I understand that - and I've even given a few unkind critiques myself. No one is making me do this - it is my choice to have accepted this position, and my choice to be "out there." In many ways, the unknowns are the worst of it. What if someone asks a hard question, or a question I don't know the answer to? What will I do then? And I know I can't please everyone. So, no matter what I do, there is always someone who will find something that could have been done better - and I've done that to others as well. Somehow the mistake someone else makes that you "know" you wouldn't have made seems so much worse than the dozen others you do make ...

And yet, this time is a little different. As I continue to grow and be led by the Lord, I find that it really is less about me. To be sure, I do not want to "mess up" and I want to do well and do the the right thing - but even if I try my best, it won't be perfect. But that's not the point, really. I believe I am right now where God wants me to be.

Because he is with me and will not leave me nor forsake me, no matter what happens, he'll still be with me. He doesn't give up on His children. And that's a huge comfort - more comfort than just about anything. More than that, though, because he is sovereign, I am right where he wants me to be in order to accomplish in me what he wants to accomplish. That can be a little scary ... what if he wants to humble me? what if my pride needs to be absolutely shattered? what if I am called to be a voice for Him in the midst of a failure? what I my weaknesses are to be utterly exposed in order for his strength to shine through me?

And yet, if any of these or all of these or something I haven't even imagined is coming ... he is still in control. And there is no other place to be than where he wants me. So, somehow - even with this feeling in my stomach, there is an overarching sense of peace as I know God is in control. Thus, like everything else in me, I am a mixture of belief and unbelief, of trust and mistrust, of faith and doubt, of boldness and fear, of confidence in Him and lack of confidence in myself ...

"I believe. Help my unbelief!"

The trivialization of sin ...

I have come to wonder if one of the main problems in the evangelical world is the trivialization of sin. I'm sure many people would read that sentence and say, "yes - we've gotten too soft and are too much like the world!" But that's not quite what I mean. We are soft on sin - but not in the way most people mean it. They want to hear us condemn the sins of the world, and to do so loudly and angrily. In my limited experience (limited in that I am only one person and can only hear so many voices), I have heard too much of the "us vs them" style where "they" are the sinners, that "we" have it right, and that we are in a war with them. But that is so much politics and so little reflection of what I see in the New Testament. If Jesus did not come to condemn but to save, if we are all saved by grace, changed by grace, and maintained by grace - why do we self-righteously condemn the world - or worse yet other Christians? (And yes, I realize the irony of me, a sinner, critiquing other sinners in this way. By doing so, I put myself in the same category as those I critique. I just don't know what else to do but talk of what I see) None of us have it right, and we are all beggars telling other beggars where we found bread.

My perception of what has happened is that we have put all our eggs in the wrong basket. Well, maybe not the completely wrong basket, but perhaps a terribly deformed basket with all the wrong dimensions. To be sure, "the world" sins in great ways - but, then again, isn't that what we should expect? There is no reason in their mind why they should submit or even acknowledge God's law and no inclination in their heart to do so - so why are we surprised that they live like they do, advance the causes they do, and resent being told otherwise? Doesn't that describe you, Christian, before Christ reached into your life and gave you a new heart?

But that's not really what I'm talking about, either. That's an important conversation to have and one that has critical answers. What I am primaily talking about is the trivialization of the sin within the Christian world, the trivialization of the struggle, and the trivialization of what God says. Sin is not just the "big, bad sins" that are so obvious. Those who love the Bible as God's testimony to the Unique Word to humanity know that Jesus took the law - which the Pharisees had trivialized and made deal with purely the external - and turned it back inward, where it belonged. No longer was it enough to just "not commit adultery" - now it was about that internal action we call lust. No longer was it "good enough" to have never committed murder - now it was about hate in your heart and what comes out of your mouth. No longer is it about "seperating ourselves" from the worldly vices of "smoking, drinking, or dancing," but the much more tenacious sins of attitudes, words, and thoughts. But "Christians" recognize that these things are far more difficult to change in any real way, so instead of admitting defeat (because we don't really know how to defeat these things), we redefine the problem into something manageable. We become moralists - and weak ones at that.

However, one does not have to be a Christian to stop smoking. One does not have to be a Christian to stop drinking. One does not have to be a Christian to stop sleeping around. The last few decades have shown us that people can change their behavior in these areas aside from any commitment to Christ. A little scare from cancer, from aids, or the thought of losing your family or reputation is enough for many to stop these actions. But that's not the gospel. That's not how you enter a relationship with God - on the basis of your works (or non-works). You are not OK just because you don't do these things. Yet, because many christians have no real answers, they resort to fear, minimization of God's standards, or just stating the law. What's that saying, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Law condemns, it has no power to change people. But when you trivialize God's law into some manageable acts or non-acts, you have done far greater damage ...

Because the Christian message is so much more radical, because it talks of a change so much deeper than these superficial things, I have found that many Christians, many popular Christian materials, and even many popular Christian teachers just don't go there because they don't have answers to these deeper questions. It's far easier to get everyone to eat Christian cookies and wear Christian underwear and go to church 14 times a week than to engage the depth of sin in ourselves and develop the humility to be able to engage the world in a way that actually attracts those in whom God is working.

I am so tired of sin being trivialized and making everyone "nice" and "bland." Jesus didn't die to make us "nice" and he didn't die to make us "boring." There is a grittiness to the fight against sin that just doesn't go well with our nice Sunday clothes and our guarded speech and our veneer of spirituality. There is a sense in which we are to be unified and similar - but diversity is also something "good" that God has designed into the world which he created. Someday we're going to see the depths of our sin - our motives and thoughts laid bare. I don't know if its a private conversation between us and God or out in the open for all to see, but I do think we will see the true depths of our sin so that we might finally understand the true depths of his mercy and love toward us. It will not be, in one sense, a pleasant experience for any of us - but I think many of us will be shocked of the sins we never heard of from our "respected teachers" because in the end, we suffer from a system - well-hidden - of self-justification (note: I absolutely believe in substitutionary atonement and that our sins were given to Christ who suffered for them, and his righteousness was given to us - and therefore there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus).

What I mean is that we feel we are right with God when we do these "Christian things" or when we avoid those "worldly things." We have a modified sense of justification by works. Jesus was good for us when we became Christians - but we've outgrown him now. We understand now what we need to do or not do to be right with God. The cross is for little kids and weak people - the rest of us will get there by self-discipline - self-discipline on these "easy" external things, of course. I so long to hear a sermon on the depth of sin within our hearts from a man who truly understands his own unworthiness and dependence on God. Someone who I can say, "He understands the struggle in our hearts and is not afraid to admit it in his own - and he knows where the only hope for this is to be found." Not someone who is so externally polished that the glare is blinding - like a brand-new, polished Statue of Liberty - but who is hollow on the inside. Or, in Jesus words, "whitewashed tombs full of dead men's bones."

I'm afraid that we have much of that going on in America today, and here in my hometown, too. Sin is trivialized by men who do not know how the gospel calls them to struggle with their own sin in a life-long war, where battles are won and lost, but who bring God's standards down to attainable levels (especially levels they can attain) and then divide the world into "us" and "them."

Lord, forgive me my sins. Grant me the realization of the depth of my own sins and your power and knowledge for the struggle before me. And the understanding that I do not talk as an outsider to the human race. Open my eyes and the eyes of my brothers and sisters - for your name's sake ...

Knowledge and certainty ...

I love knowledge ... I always have. I love learning about most things, and some things I want to know as much as possible. But as I have grown older, I have had to come to the realization that life is neither simple nor containable. What I mean is that even in areas like Physics and Math - things I once thought pretty straightfoward and rather obvious - there are "higher" or "deeper" truths that are not so simple. Models are just that, and good models work a majority of the time - but not every time. As new information is found, models have to be readjusted and refined. Once the atom was thought to be the smallest unit of matter - now were down to quarks and strings and whatever the latest, deepest explanation we have is. And these models are amazingly descriptive of how things work. But they're not "simple." And the search for the grand unification theory emphasizes just how "unsimple" such a descriptive "theory of eveything" would be. There are some bits of knowledge that are "knowable" and some that are our best attempt at an explanation. But there are always new data points being added ...

The same thing is true, I think in theology. When we study God, I think we put the available data into groups - even if only in our heads - to try to make sense of it. But, since God is outside of space and time, the best we can do from the inside of the system is get general impressions of him. If he does not reveal himself in terms we can understand, we have no hope of knowing anything beyond these vague impressions. And, once you factor in that our thinking is affected by sin, we need immense humility when we approach God.

Which brings me to a bit of a complaint. There are some people for whom certainty is a virtue. Now, I don't consider myself very postmodern, and I do believe in absolute truths - but it seems as if some people want you to have a firm conviction on everything. And if you don't, that's pretty much a moral failure on your part. There are some things I think we need to have firm convictions on - things of which God has revealed enough for us to know "easily."

But some people want you to have convictions on things that are not only disputable, not only been in question for centuries by sincere christians, but also on areas that have very little direct biblical data. And, in a sense, I guess they are right. We should take the knowledge God gives us and apply it to new areas to arrive at answers our consciences affirm before God. On the other hand, the acknowledgment that some issues are hard and some are genuine matters of dispute seems to give one a humility when discussing with others that is all too lacking in some people. And, of course, by saying that, I realize that this is a point of dispute and that each should be fully convinced in his own mind, graciously submitting to one another in love. I don't talk as an outsider to the human race, and I am not an impartial observer. It's the Heienberg Uncertainty principle in action - by trying to measure a system, I inject myself into that system and both affect and am affected by it.

So, do I want to pursue knowledge? Absolutely - though humbly, so that it does not puff me up.
Do I want to be certain on some things - perhaps many things? Only insofar as there is biblical warrant to arrive at a sound conclusion and as long as I am willing to consider a new perspective or new evidence.

I want to speak truth, but I want to speak it in love.
And I don't want to confuse my opinion or my preference for God's truth.

And I am certain of that :)

A glorious and dreadful day approaches ...

It's been a little while again since I posted. Life has been busy, to say the least. Tonight I have a meeting to coordinate, but I don't have much motivation to invest more time. It is hard to do that when people assume they know your motives - and often you only hear from the ones who assume the worst - and there is little hope of persuading them otherwise. I was actually approached by someone who said basically, "I know how these things work. Tell me the truth - isn't ____ really going on?"

Now, as much as I try to explain that ____ is truly not the case, they have it in their mind that I am taking some official stance. I don't know how to convince someone who is so suspicious - it seems like the only thing that would satisfy him was, "Yup, you're right" - but it simply is not true.

But far more disappointing is the lack of involvement of some people within the group. I am a firm believer in the concept of group wisdom, the concept of teamwork, and the concept of sharing the burdens according to giftedness rather than titles. But many people are not. When you don't agree on this fundamental level, what do you do? Do you break away and start another organization? Do you find another organization with those values? Or do you stay and fight for change from the inside?

What do you do? I would have given up a long time ago if it were not for the fact that I believe God has me here for a reason. I have started to think and pray about other opportunities, but until I believe it is God's will for me to move on, I feel like I must keep on persevering.

How do you deal with people who are not only not perfect, but downright unlikeable at times? I know I don't speak as an outsider, so I'm including myself. I guess what I would want is for people to talk with me (not at me) about their concerns, but do it in such a way that it is not draining on the energy with which I serve. It's tough to deal with nit-pickers - no matter how many times the quote "It's the little foxes that spoil ..." Especially when they come up with no new ideas themselves and don't have a clue to how they suck the air right out of a room. But what do you do when someone is unwilling to hear hard things, when someone is so convinced they're right that to criticize them is to have joined the enemy?

I'm so tired of people into power. I just read a disheartening article about one of the guys I liked to occasionally read about on the web. He apparently has switched course and rejects the idea of a multiplicity of counselors - to oppose him is to be fired. Lord, what a mess we are making of your church. Please change us so that we stop devouring each other. We think too highly of ourselves and we forget we arfe servants, not kings. Woe to us if we think and act otherwise ...

Someday, when all the thoughts and motives are laid bare, what shame we will have for how our hearts chased after other things besides you. All praise to you, though, that we are not accepted by you on the basis of works, but on the faith we have in your Son ...

What a glorious and dreadful day that will be!