The Phillies are National League champions again. I have to give Pat Gillick credit - I was concerned he had lost his touch. Although, once again, we must give a special, warm-hearted thank you to the New York Mets! I don't know what happens in September to them - I thought October was the month to turn into a pumpkin - but I am happy to see the Phillies step in. There is a small part of me that actually feels a bit sorry for their fans - but only a bit. The Mets and Giants (FB) "ruined" my senior year in high school, and the Giants did it again my senior year in college. The Mets are just about my least favorite team - I'd even rather see the Yankees win than them. But, as much as I like David Wright, I'm happy to see him pack his bags for the winter. Maybe he'll get lucky this winter and get traded somewhere else ... somewhere better like Seattle ...
I am going to the playoff game on Wednesday - it's the first post-season game of any type I have gone to.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
How do you help someone?
How do you help someone who won't let you in? Who won't even talk to you? I have a friend in the middle of an adulterous affair. He's lost his job and has isolated himself from people that care for him. His children are angry, and his wife has been betrayed. How do you speak into situations such as these?
I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.
We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...
And so, we can pray for my friend.
What else can we do?
We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.
We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.
I know that we cannot counsel someone who does not want counsel. We can't help someone who refuses help ... or can we? Can we not help an unwilling friend in spite of themselves? It is clear we can't have the direct ministry in their life that would be most helpful, but can't we do something? I think we can.
We can pray. This is not a trite saying or a synonym for "we're confused" or "we don't know what to do." We can take our friend and the situation to God's very Throne. We can plead with God to act for His Name's sake in mercy and grace to this person. We can confidently know that God knows all things, and that he takes these things and weaves them into his master tapestry. We bring no new information to God, nor do we stir an unwilling King. We do not need to beg from our Father, yet he values and uses our prayers sovereignly to bring about His will. Sometimes we do need to be diligent in praying for a long time for situations. Praying is not a waste of time - but neither is it a show. It is not useless because we do not know God's secret will, but neither do we bend God to our will. It is not a matter of the right words, but of the right heart. God will graciously grant our requests as they line up with his will. Prayer is the means that he uses to bring about his will - if I do not pray, someone else will and they will get the blessing of being used by God to bring about his will. Just as Paul says "How will they hear if no one speaks?" The one who speaks the Word does not accomplish God's will, but is used as a conduit through which God accomplishes his will. If we don't want to be involved, God will raise up others who will - just as Jesus said the very rocks would cry out if the crowd was silent. God will get the praise he has ordained - whether he uses me or a rock. But it's better for me if He uses me ...
And so, we can pray for my friend.
What else can we do?
We can let all those involved know that we are open to them, waiting to hear from them. We can let them know that we can't go along with their choice, but are willing to love them enough to be straight with them.
We can choose to let go of the pride and anger in our own heart that wants to condemn and wants to be angry for what their sin has cost us - but truthfully, where am I really on the list of offended people? We can address the issues of our own heart so that we do not sin by judging, condemning, becoming self-righteous, or worrying that our plans or reputations are ruined (incidentally, that might be another good blog - on the damage Christians do to each other in the name of "keeping a good testimony"). It is not about us.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
My children ...
A friend sent me an email recently asking for wisdom in building a relationship with his young daughter while ministry burderns pull him away. Here are my thoughts ...
It's hard for me to believe that my daughter is 7 (8 in November) and entering 2nd grade tomorrow. The time does fly by - she is no longer the toddler waiting for me to play with her. She is capable of playing by herself, and she has lots of friends now. In 10 years, she'll be entering her senior year in high school. Only 10 years! That's yesterday! 1998 - The year the Yankees won 114 games or whatever it was and beat the Padres in the World Series. The year I graduated with my Master's degree. The year I started at (an ill-advised stint with a not-so-ethical company). When I blink next, she'll be gone, out of the house.
It's thoughts like these that send a chill up my spine. All these things I think are so important today - will they have the same value then as I look back? My grandmother had a stroke last year, and though she has recovered OK for someone now 92, we will never paint together again. How many times did I put off painting with her to do some church related activity? More than I want to count. How many meetings did I let become a priority in my life that just were not of any real importance? Too many.
People mean well, but most activities and meetings are just not worth the time they take from families.We're going to celebrate my son's third birthday in a couple of weeks. These are the last weeks I'll ever have him as a two-year old. If we have no more kids, it will be the last time I will have a two-year old, period. What is more important than playing cars with my son? Not much. And yet how many times do I pass it up for "more important things..."
Now, of course, I don't want to let my family become an idol in my life. If God calls you to sacrifice, you do it, though it hurts. But I wonder how many Christians allow others to burden them where God does not, or to guilt others into "duty?" I'm convinced that God calls far fewer people to sacrifice their kids on the altar of ministry than we think. God has told us that if you want to look whether a man is qualified for ministry, look at his home. Are his children believers? Do they respect him or resent him? Is his wife respectful and supportive of the choices he makes? If a man can't manage his own household, does it matter what else he does?What pain is waiting there for the man who helps others see Christ but has his own children reject Him because they associate Him with our poor choices?What comfort will there be for the man who works hard to see the children of others saved, but loses his own kids?
God needs no one - least of all me. If we allow ourselves to think we are crucial to his mission, we will make choices that may lead to long-term heartache. We serve as he calls. But he calls us first to serve our families - an incomprehensible gift that is not to be squandered. We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. And your children are the only people who see you as you truly are - day in and day out. They are our first ministry ... God made the family to be the foundation of society. We cannot neglect it and yet go on thinking that everything will work out in the end because we are "sacrificing" to serve God. What if God doesn't want to be served with that "cost?"
Your email is much appreciated and thought-provoking. I will pray for you - and for all fathers who must make similar choices ...
P.S. Don't believe the "quantity/quality line" - "I can't spend much quantity of time with them, so I'll make sure it's quality time." With kids especially, quality time is quantity time. Relationships don't work well scheduled and limited - or, at least they aren't as intimate as family relationships should be ... Before you listen to anyone's advice - including mine - on balancing ministry/family, check out their family. Is it one you think is worthy to resemble? Don't just go with the surface conclusions like the Israelites did with Saul - look at their hearts. If you don't see Godly hearts leading to godly actions, don't copy their methods ...
It's hard for me to believe that my daughter is 7 (8 in November) and entering 2nd grade tomorrow. The time does fly by - she is no longer the toddler waiting for me to play with her. She is capable of playing by herself, and she has lots of friends now. In 10 years, she'll be entering her senior year in high school. Only 10 years! That's yesterday! 1998 - The year the Yankees won 114 games or whatever it was and beat the Padres in the World Series. The year I graduated with my Master's degree. The year I started at (an ill-advised stint with a not-so-ethical company). When I blink next, she'll be gone, out of the house.
It's thoughts like these that send a chill up my spine. All these things I think are so important today - will they have the same value then as I look back? My grandmother had a stroke last year, and though she has recovered OK for someone now 92, we will never paint together again. How many times did I put off painting with her to do some church related activity? More than I want to count. How many meetings did I let become a priority in my life that just were not of any real importance? Too many.
People mean well, but most activities and meetings are just not worth the time they take from families.We're going to celebrate my son's third birthday in a couple of weeks. These are the last weeks I'll ever have him as a two-year old. If we have no more kids, it will be the last time I will have a two-year old, period. What is more important than playing cars with my son? Not much. And yet how many times do I pass it up for "more important things..."
Now, of course, I don't want to let my family become an idol in my life. If God calls you to sacrifice, you do it, though it hurts. But I wonder how many Christians allow others to burden them where God does not, or to guilt others into "duty?" I'm convinced that God calls far fewer people to sacrifice their kids on the altar of ministry than we think. God has told us that if you want to look whether a man is qualified for ministry, look at his home. Are his children believers? Do they respect him or resent him? Is his wife respectful and supportive of the choices he makes? If a man can't manage his own household, does it matter what else he does?What pain is waiting there for the man who helps others see Christ but has his own children reject Him because they associate Him with our poor choices?What comfort will there be for the man who works hard to see the children of others saved, but loses his own kids?
God needs no one - least of all me. If we allow ourselves to think we are crucial to his mission, we will make choices that may lead to long-term heartache. We serve as he calls. But he calls us first to serve our families - an incomprehensible gift that is not to be squandered. We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. And your children are the only people who see you as you truly are - day in and day out. They are our first ministry ... God made the family to be the foundation of society. We cannot neglect it and yet go on thinking that everything will work out in the end because we are "sacrificing" to serve God. What if God doesn't want to be served with that "cost?"
Your email is much appreciated and thought-provoking. I will pray for you - and for all fathers who must make similar choices ...
P.S. Don't believe the "quantity/quality line" - "I can't spend much quantity of time with them, so I'll make sure it's quality time." With kids especially, quality time is quantity time. Relationships don't work well scheduled and limited - or, at least they aren't as intimate as family relationships should be ... Before you listen to anyone's advice - including mine - on balancing ministry/family, check out their family. Is it one you think is worthy to resemble? Don't just go with the surface conclusions like the Israelites did with Saul - look at their hearts. If you don't see Godly hearts leading to godly actions, don't copy their methods ...
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